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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24407095">indelicate marks</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/accioearlgrey/pseuds/accioearlgrey'>accioearlgrey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Romance, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:00:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,035</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24407095</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/accioearlgrey/pseuds/accioearlgrey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco Malfoy and Y/N Y/L/N both hide the marks left behind by choices they did not make.<br/>The birth of one, however, will tie them closer together than either of them realise, in ways that grow to be more delicate than they know.<br/>Reader is a Pureblood Slytherin, set 6th Year.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy &amp; Reader, Draco Malfoy/Reader, Draco Malfoy/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>260</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the broom cupboard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please see the end notes for warnings!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco Malfoy had only spoken to you once.<br/>
The Yule Ball - you seemed to be the only one in fourth year or above that hadn't shown up. Not that Draco had noticed; you were quiet, withdrawn. The type that made him, and most others, question your placement in Slytherin. You weren't obnoxious and loud, like Pansy Parkinson, and you didn't make friends with everyone for the gossip, like Daphne Greengrass. In fact, it was quite uncertain to some if you even actually existed, half the time. It seemed you had quite the knack of making yourself invisible.<br/>
Draco was hardly surprised, either, with a name like yours.<br/>
Rumours and whispers followed you in the corridor - whenever anyone noticed you, that was - shrouding you in dark mystery.<br/>
<em>'Y/N Y/L/N - parents were in Azkaban before she had even learnt to walk.'<br/>
'I bet she's had the Dark Mark since she was born - just came out with it already there.'<br/>
'She's got to be a Deatheater. Surprised Dumbledore allowed her to even come to Hogwarts in the first place.'</em><br/>
He couldn't help but pity you, in a way. He supposed, if things hadn't gone differently for his father... Well, he might have ended up in much a similar position.<br/>
So, no - it hadn't even occurred to Draco that you weren't amongst the crowd at the Yule Ball, not in the slightest.<br/>
He'd left early. The music was still loud, the sound of students cheering and shouting along to a song Draco had never heard before echoing down the corridor. He was attempting to escape Pansy Parkinson, as per usual; her hands had been particularly too touchy and giggle too high, tonight, and so he'd managed to slip off into the mass of people when she had gone to get a drink, hastily making his way down the dim corridors.<br/>
Once he was sure she wasn't about to ambush him after potentially spotting his swift exit, he slowed, contemplating why he had made the awful decision of asking Parkinson, of all people, in the first place.<br/>
<em>A fucking annoying date was better than no date at all,</em> he reminded himself, pulling at his painfully tight bow-tie. <em>She's desperate enough to have asked me herself, anyway. Just... Sped up the inevitable.</em><br/>
He'd been nearing the top of the stairs leading down to the dungeons when he'd heard it.<br/>
A quiet moan - a gasp.<br/>
Draco had frozen, for a moment. His eyes flickered from where they had once rested on the floor, to the door to the side of him.<br/>
He wasn't sure if he was too disgusted to check the broom cupboard the noise had came from - or if this was a perfect opportunity to ruin someone else's night.<br/>
<em>Fucking hell, you'd think they'd choose somewhere less obvious than a broom cupboard. They're pretty much asking to get caught.</em><br/>
Another moment passed - another groan. Draco finally decided that no, he didn't want to see some hormonal teenagers getting at it to end his night, but as he took another step, there was another, much more worrying noise.<br/>
A muffled scream - bluntly cut off by a violent shushing.<br/>
Draco's heart skipped a beat, and he swallowed, glancing round the dark corridor. No one else would come this way for a good hour - and whatever the hell was going on in there needed stopping.<br/>
<em>Merlin. It's one thing after another tonight, is it? Where the fuck is Potter when you need him?</em><br/>
Draco stepped away from the stairs, reluctant, before marching over to the broom cupboard. Grimacing, he flung the door open.<br/>
"What the fuck are you -"<br/>
Draco stopped, dead.<br/>
There you were - thrust up against the wall, face crushed to the side. Held in place by some Gryffindor seventh year that he didn't recognise, another loomed over you, your arm tight in his grip.<br/>
In his other a hand, a blade.<br/>
It was bloody. Horrifically bloody. The crimson liquid plastered his hands, staining the fronts of his white dress shirt in a way that made Draco feel sick. At the interruption, the two had recoiled from you, leaving you to stumble to keep upright. Eyes wide with alert, their previous smirks now fell into horror at the sight of Draco stood in the doorway.<br/>
It took him a moment to react, lips curling into a vicious snarl.<br/>
"Get away from her before I get Snape."<br/>
The older boys stared back at him, your attacker visibly tightening his grip on the blade. Draco poised his wand, before letting out a much louder hiss.<br/>
"Are you deaf? I said get the fuck away from her!"<br/>
They didn't need much more convincing.<br/>
Shoving Draco out of the way, they pelted down the corridor, leaving you lent against the wall. Shaking, you held your bloody arm in your hand, hunched over and sobbing.<br/>
Draco shifted forward, eyes widening. A pained wince spread across his face at the blood that stained your left forearm. It was now painted onto your right hand, running down your fingers before dripping onto the floor. Head forward, hair covered most of your face, but he could tell you were still crying. The sight seemed to wake whatever empathy he usually kept deep, deep within him, as a flicker of worry shot through him.<br/>
"Let me look." Draco commanded, making you jump. You stared back at him through your mess of hair, eyes glinting with warning.<br/>
"Get the fuck out." Your growl was wobbly, making it hard for Draco to take it seriously. Teeth bared as the corners of your mouth twitched, you were trying to contain your sobs, breaths quick.<br/>
He could tell you were in <em>agony,</em> and it made the panic within him grow even more intense.<br/>
"Shut up and show me your bloody arm," He moved closer, your eyes uncertain as he held out his hand. Gritting your teeth, you finally offered him your arm, shakily. He rested it in the palm of his hand, raising his wand and hovering it over the thick layer of blood. <em>"Tergeo."</em><br/>
You winced with a gasp, jolting your arm back a little. Draco kept his grip firm, but careful, moving his wand over the wound. The blood withdrew, back into whatever cuts the boys had left you with, but Draco noticed your eyes, still trained on him, jaw clenched. You stayed silent as the shapes of the cuts on your arm became clearer, that sense of pure sickness growing in the pit of his stomach.<br/>
A word - several cuts overlapping on each letter. The boys had gone over it more than once.<br/>
<em>Deatheater.</em><br/>
Sprawled across your left forearm.<br/>
Draco faltered, eyes flickering up to meet yours for a moment, and you snatched your arm away from him. Your gaze avoiding, you pulled your uniforms sleeve back down over the wounds. Fresh blood was already beginning to stain the white of your shirt, and you tucked it away from view.<br/>
<em>Fucking Gryffindors, acting so high and mighty. Acting like we're the ones to pull all this shit.</em><br/>
"You need to report them." Draco muttered. Anger swirled within his chest, your eyebrows raising as you finally looked back at him, still hesitant.<br/>
"We don't all have a father to run to, Malfoy," Tone tainted, and bitter, but not quite as harsh as he would have expected. Silence settled between you as he searched your expression, but he found no aggression. In fact, your lips flicked up, so quick that Draco was half convinced it had been a twitch of some sort.<br/>
But no - your gaze was not accusatory, a little unsure, but not malicious.<br/>
Something within him shifted at the action - an unfamiliar feeling that Draco didn't recognise, spurring him to speak again.<br/>
"Anyone tries anything again, you tell me."<br/>
His words took you off guard, eyes searching for any humiliation or joke intended within them.<br/>
"I've managed by myself so far."<br/>
Gesturing, Draco flicked his gaze down to your arm, eyebrows raising. Your lips twitched again, a more obvious, relenting smirk.<br/>
Within that moment, Draco studied you. You'd never spoken, but you had an atmosphere that felt easy. You were the perfect target for his bullying, and yet, he'd never said a word against you.<br/>
After all, your name was your curse - and Draco recognised that all too well.<br/>
When you didn't speak a second time, Draco took it as his queue to leave, only for you to grab his arm as he did so. Turning to look at you again, he found your expression much more unreadable than before. It took a moment for you to speak, uncertain, grip falling from him as he focused his attention back on you.<br/>
"No one can know."<br/>
A mere whisper, but something in your tone was desperate, your eyes glittering with anxiety as you stared back at him - pleading.<br/>
Draco's heart twinged, but he only pulled his features into ones of emphasised confusion, eyes glinting with an odd mix of sincerity and mischief.<br/>
"Know what?"<br/>
Your hesitant smirk came fuller this time, more genuine, eyes glowing warm with appreciation. His own played along his lips, and then he left the cupboard without much of a glance behind him.<br/>
Yet, the smile you'd left him with didn't actually leave him. His dress robes remained stained with blood, your sleeves always pulled down and fastened since. You returned to acting like you didn't exist, and Draco did too.<br/>
Your secret, however - that, remained kept.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. the dark mark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was by your sixth year of Hogwarts that you finally had come to accept that you were going to graduate with your only friend having been a ghost.<br/>Not that Myrtle wasn't good company. Sure, she complained a lot, as her nickname suggested, and she could be awfully blunt. But, you supposed, after being dead for a few decades, tact was not a particularly necessary skill, and you'd soon become accustomed to her very straight forward way of thinking. After all, your problems must have been trivial for a ghost, and your friendship was safe, reliable. Blood purity, and grudges - they didn't apply to her, and you were thankful to have someone you could talk to, dead or alive.<br/>You'd hoped that becoming a member of Dumbledore's Army would have changed things for you. Cleared up your reputation amongst Muggleborns, or at least proved the rumours wrong. It had been Hogwarts' resident golden girl, Hermione Granger herself, that had approached you, talking of a group to go against Umbridge. You supposed it couldn't hurt. She'd never shown you prejudice, and in fact, was the only student that dared to send you a polite smile when you'd passed in the corridors. So, no, you guessed there was no harm, and you'd even offered to help Harry teach, if he'd permit it. After growing up in such an unstable household, well, you had your own tricks and tips.<br/>And things did change, for a while. Until the break out at Azkaban, when the glares became more blaming and distrusting. Until Umbridge finally broke into the Room of Requirement, and the group dispersed. <br/>You were alone. Again.<br/>Perhaps they only acted kind out of fear - perhaps they never did change their mind about you. <br/>So, you'd returned back to Myrtle, defeated. She'd only sat with you in silence as you stared at the scars on your forearm, the ones that never did quite heal right. <br/>You'd been branded a Deatheater before you could even know what the term meant. <br/>Sixth year rolled around full of uncertainty, that much <em>was</em> clear.<br/>There was something about the way everyone carried themselves, wary of even those they had known for years. Platform Nine and Three-Quarters did not have that usual spark of excitement. Not in the eyes of timid first years and terrified parents, nor did it linger in those who had been there more times than they could count.<br/>To you - not all that much was different. <br/>Your first visit to Myrtle was the same as it was always after Summer. She went on and on, wailing about how much she had missed your company, how empty the school had been without you, and how she was sure she heard things coming from the Chamber of Secrets again.<br/>You'd only told her it was most likely Peeves trying his best to upset her, and she'd eventually calmed down. Only, to start weeping again, distraught that you'd soon leave her behind with your final year coming up. Despite yourself, you found her worry touching, the warming feeling of being wanted so unfamiliar that it almost scared you a little. Yet, it was still better than whatever other misery was going on outside the usual toilet cubical you returned to every year. <br/>The second visit - that didn't exactly fit the criteria of what you would describe as 'the norm'. <br/>The corridors were brimming with the muted light of dusk, heading towards your usual bathroom and leaving the crowd of the Great Hall behind you.<br/>Escaping from the noise of the room gave you an instant rush of relief. The day had been tense, to say the least, and by the time you'd reached the bathroom you felt rather exhausted. So much, that you'd considered going straight back to the Slytherin dorms and to bed. <br/><em>Not a good idea,</em> you'd only reminded yourself, pushing open the heavy, wooden door. <em>I'd only get a mouthful from Myrtle about how she was worrying about me all sodding night.</em><br/>"Hey," You called, peeking around the door and pulling yourself in after it. You were not met with the usual, exasperated spirit that night, however. No, not at all. Instead, there was only soft sobbing accompanied by harsh, rough mutters. <br/>Draco Malfoy, lent over the sinks, hands gripping the edges so tight you half expected it to break under his touch.<br/>Turned away from you, you couldn't see his face, but you still recognised him instantly.  The mess of platinum hair was enough of a giveaway, and much to your relief, he hadn't appeared to have notice your entry with his lack of reaction - but you were frozen in place. Eyes set, wide, you stared at the damp patch that ran down the back of his white shirt.<br/>"He's going to kill me - he's going to kill her and then he's going to kill me."<br/>You were cold, unable to get your limbs to shift.<br/><em>Fucking idiot! Get out of here! He doesn't want you seeing this, you're invading his privacy-</em><br/>That heavy, wooden door let out a harsh thud against its frame. <br/>In a matter of seconds, Draco had turned, wand raised and eyes narrowed like daggers despite the tears that still blurred them. <br/>"What the fuck are you doing in here?" He spat, lips dragging into a dangerous snarl. Your heart seemed to have finally caught up with what was happening, bursting into a painful pace. Stuttering, you struggled to find words under his grey scrutiny. <br/>"I - Myrtle -"<br/>"Did you fucking follow me?" You barely had time to clarify the mess that spilled from your lips, Draco clenching his wand even tighter. Face red, he let out another roar. "Potter send you to spy on me, <em>Bloodtraitor?</em>" <br/>His insult felt unfamiliar cast in your direction, and you frantically shook your head, excuses forming on the tip of your tongue. <br/>Only to die, lost, as your gaze found his left forearm, cast to the side and now exposed in his panic. <br/>Your eyes had found the black ink anyway. <br/>Draco stared at you, catching your pause, prompting his brow to furrow for a moment. Until, his eyes finally followed yours. <br/>Panic shot across his features, shoving his sleeve back down over the mark as though you'd forget it as he did. With his glare finally off of you, you took the opportunity to spin and fling the door back open, hurtling yourself down the corridor, your heart pounded, nausea overwhelming. <br/>Barely managing to make it to the next girls bathroom along, you fell to your knees. Your throat burnt as you emptied your stomach into the toilet in front of you, tears scalding your face, and you struggled to breathe - the sobs were coming too heavy for you to swallow them back. <br/>You already knew he had returned - you'd read the articles and you'd heard the rumours. <br/>You'd had Bellatrix Lestrange in your own fucking living room. <br/>But this was the tipping point.<br/>Draco Malfoy bared the Dark Mark.<br/>And soon, you would do too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, depictions of vomiting, draco straight up not having a good time</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. the first memory</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco didn't leave Myrtle's bathroom until hours past curfew.<br/>He'd been pacing. So much, that his legs were burning by the time he had decided to finally get out of the darkness the room had sunken into. His mind didn't stop whirring once. He could have sworn that the mumble that came from the doorway was Myrtle. He was sure that it was safe - anyone that mattered would be in the Great Hall, eating, not going to meet a ghost in the bathroom. Not like him.<br/>He supposed he hadn't taken you into account. <br/>But then again, did you really matter? <br/>You were already known for being a Deatheater. In fact, most people in the school learnt that before they even learnt your name. If you found out, would anyone trust you enough to believe you when you told them that he was the real Deatheater? <br/>No, you wouldn't really matter. Not if Draco didn't know you had been amongst the crowd of people staring back at him in the Room of Requirement last year.<br/>Even through the cloud of dust that had started to settle, he had recognised you instantly. Or more, he recognised the girl that he'd found in a broom cupboard and bled profusely over him in fourth year.  <br/>Y/N Y/L/N - the <em>Deatheaters'</em> daughter. <br/>Yet, Draco was certain that you hadn't spoken to Potter or his crowd since the exposure of Dumbledore's Army - or at least he hadn't seen you together. It was his only solace, that you might have ditched them when things had gotten too close to home. <br/>Still, by the time he made it back to the common room, he decided that his only option was clear.<br/>You needed to be Obliviated.  <br/>Draco didn't sleep that night. Not that sleep was easy to come by anyway, after his summer. Every time he edged the darkness that felt all too tempting, his body would jolt, memories of your disturbed expression taunting him. <br/>He was frustrated, to say the least. He already had a task given to him by fucking <em>Voldemort</em> hanging over his thoughts on the constant. And now, he'd somehow managed to make himself even more bloody work. Trying to figure out how the hell he was going to Obliviate you without much of a struggle wasn't exactly easy. <br/>By around five in the morning, it also became clear that he was going to have to talk to you first. <br/>Finding you, however, seemed to prove even more difficult that he anticipated. <br/>To Draco's utmost annoyance, you had managed to make yourself even more invisible than you'd been before. Being as he had more or less forgotten your existence on more than one occasion... That was pretty fucking invisible.<br/>You were avoiding him. You had to be. <br/>A couple days passed, and he still hadn't spotted you once. Anxiety clawed at his conscious every hour of the day. It was already something he'd learnt to adjust to, but it had become more realistic, with his secret out. He'd come to live with a feeling that Dumbledore was about to burst into one of his classes and expose him any minute. <br/>Most of those days, he'd spent sitting with Myrtle in the bathroom, hidden from the doorway. He'd kept focused on the sound of it opening, determined to catch you off guard. <br/>"You've scared my only friend away, Draco." Myrtle snapped at him on the third day, hands on her hips and lips pursed like a mother scalding her child. He shot her a look, raising an eyebrow. <br/>"You called me your friend yesterday." He pointed out. <br/>"Yeah, well, I was only being nice!" Myrtle retorted, pushing her glasses up her nose only for them to fall back into position. "Being as you were acting all mopey and lonely, again." <br/>Draco let out a snort. "You're one to bloody talk." <br/>Instant regret flooded through him at his comment, as Myrtle let out a high pitched wail. She balled her fists, rubbing at her eyes despite a lack of tears, and before he could even attempt to get her stop making such a racket, she was swooping into the air, plummeting into the toilet opposite with a dramatic splash. <br/>Of course - of course, the commotion had pulled his attention away from the door, and you'd crept in before he could realise. <br/>"You upset Myrtle," Was all you said, staring at where he sat, hunched, on the toilet lid. <br/>Draco jumped up, wand already brandished, carefully scanning you - but you only watched him. Bags had started to fill out under your eyes, expression plain. <br/>"I'm not going to tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about." You muttered, eyes flickering to where his mark should have been, if it wasn't covered by the dark fabric of his robes. He narrowed his eyes, frowning, but he couldn't deny the relief that resounded in his chest. <br/>"Why wouldn't you?" He growled, the tip of his wand unwavering. "Why should I trust you?" <br/>You met his gaze then, lips twitching all too familiarly. <br/>"You didn't tell anyone." Bringing your left forearm up, you tapped on it, his eyes following the movement. "Consider it me returning a favour." <br/>Draco mulled things over for a minute, still not lowering his wand. At least, he was grateful that most of his pent up anxiety had faded. The remaining doubts were still too loud in his mind for his liking, however. Particularly, the fact that you had been spending a lot of time with undesirable company the year before.<br/><em>Potter is already suspicious... If she lets anything slip, I'm fucking dead.</em><br/>Shaking his head, he readjusted his grip on his wand. <br/>"It's too dangerous." It came as a mutter. "You've seen too much. You need to be Obliviated." <br/>Your eyes flashed, features pulling together in outrage. <br/>"Oblivi- Are you fucking mental?" You exclaimed, wand now in hand. "I knew you were going to be difficult but - bloody hell!"<br/>Tension settled between you, eyes searching each other. Anticipating the next move. Draco's mind was racing, desperately trying to figure out what next - how was he going to fix things this time? <br/>"Draco." It was barely a whisper, but it caught his attention instantly, his panicked eyes pulling back up to yours. His hand had started to shake, breathing shallow. <br/>How long had he been silent? Eyes open, and honest, you stared back. "You can trust me." <br/>He swallowed, lips pulling into a scowl. "What if someone tries to get in your head, huh? What are you going to do then?" <br/>Realisation struck across your expression. "You can trust me," You repeated, raising your eyebrows lightly. <br/>Before he could help himself, he steadied his wand and the spell fell across his lips. <br/><em>"Legilimens!"</em><br/>There was a struggle, your conscious harsh against his. You let out a gasp of surprise, which was vague with his focus on your thoughts. Draco only pushed harder, pressing himself into your thoughts, ignoring the way his vision began to blur reality and memories. Glimpses of faces, distant echoes of voices, and pinpricks of emotion shot through him. <br/>Then, everything came into focus. <br/>He was standing in a living room. <br/>Several people surrounded him, but he could only identify the one towering over him. His aunt. Bellatrix Lestrange.<br/>A wand was poised inches away from his face, and he swallowed, struggling to breathe.<br/><em>"Cosy, with Potter, are we? I bet you have all the gossip."<br/>"No - I swear - I haven't spoken to him in months-"</em><br/>A jolt of pain - sharp, like an electrocution. A low moan rumbled in his throat, tears hot on his face. <br/><em>"Don't lie!"</em> Lestrange roared, only to drop to a crouch in front of him. Lacing her fingers through his hair, he felt his body submerge with fear, and she yanked his head to the side, so suddenly, that it felt as though his neck should have snapped at the motion. <br/><em>"Come on, Bloodtraitor,"</em> Lestrange whispered, lips flicking into that grim smile he so recognised. <em>"Tell me."</em><br/><em>"I don't know anything!"</em> The wretched half-sob, half-scream came from him, but it wasn't his own. <br/>Bellatrix stuck her bottom lip out exaggeratedly. Another flood of terror washed through him - those dark eyes were shining with hunger, half hidden by corkscrews, but just as threatening. <br/><em>"Pity."</em> She stood again, circling - only to jab the wand back toward him. <em>"Crucio!"</em><br/>Red hot pain singed his entire body, and the screams, oh, <em>Merlin</em>, the screams. They weren't his, but he recognised them without a second of hesitation. <br/>And they were enough to haunt him for a lifetime.<br/>"STOP!"<br/>Draco was flung from the memory, so forcefully he had to stumble back as he returned to his own conscious. Breathing ragged, he stared at you with wide, horrified eyes. <br/>He was met with an equally blazing glare.<br/>You were shaking, gripping your wand painfully tight. The way your eyes glinted felt too reminiscent to the way you'd watched him all those years ago; your features twisted with venom as you lent in, slowly. Tears painted your cheeks, and you bit back a sob when you spoke.<br/>"Don't you <em>ever</em> try and get in my head again." You seethed, tone thick with pure hatred. "Or I'll find a way into yours." <br/>Hesitating, Draco finally opened his mouth to speak, but you withdrew, storming out of his sight and the bathroom with a harsh slam of the door.<br/>He could only stand back upright, still struggling to get his breathing back to a comfortable pace. The agony of the memory lingered in his veins, tinged with guilt.<br/>He was completely unsure if he'd managed to fix things for himself, or brought on an entirely new problem.<br/>It didn't take him long to decide it was most likely the latter.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, depictions of torture, losta angst, draco being a little fuck</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. the proposal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You'd gone invisible again. <br/>And Draco, much to his annoyance, noticed this time more than ever.<br/>He'd begun to associate you with a very odd feeling - a mixture of dread, pity and guilt. It was a feeling that clouded his thoughts for days after he'd last met you in the bathroom, and it kept him avoiding going to see Myrtle as much as his panic attacks allowed him to. <br/>Because, as much as he tried to, he couldn't shake that awful, burning sensation from your memory. It was already familiar to him, yes, but the screaming played like white noise in any moment of silence and waves of nausea would flood through him when he recalled Bellatrix Lestrange's harrowing eyes. Somehow, hearing someone else's pain was a lot worse than hearing his own, especially in his dreams. <br/>Yet, whilst he felt as though he should speak to you, he found himself steering clear of you as much as physically possible. Draco despised the guilt you made him feel - as though he owed you an apology, or something.  <br/>But, even avoiding you proved difficult. Seeing as he was never sure where you actually were.<br/>Draco tried to take note of where you sat in classes, but you were always writing, head down, and half the time he wasn't even sure if it was you. Rare occasions in which you, or he, for that matter, showed up the Great Hall never seemed to coincide. <br/>You were making the entire situation very bloody exhausting.<br/>Autumn had started to brown the leaves of the Whomping Willow before he saw you again.  <br/>He couldn't deny that the bags under his eyes had become more prominent over the weeks. Face hollowing, his clothes were feeling a lot looser than they had done before. If he wasn't in classes, he was in the Room of Requirement, muttering to himself as he tried - and failed - to repair the Vanishing Cabinet. To make matters worse, he was also gradually becoming immune to the Sleeping Draught that Snape supplied him with. <br/>But plotting any means of completing his mission left little room for any other thoughts. It kept him up until the very early hours of the morning, trying to banish memories of summer from his mind. <br/>Draco felt at his wits end - and at this point, a little bit stir-crazy.<br/>He'd come to the bathrooms in hopes of talking to Myrtle, wanting to voice the plans that went round and round in his mind. Maybe they would make more sense, he guessed, if someone else heard them.<br/>His hopes, however, were diminished the moment he pushed open the door. <br/>You were sat on the edge of the sinks, swinging your legs as you mumbled to Myrtle. Draco's chest tightened as the ghost let out a shriek at the sight of him in the doorway, shooting off into the pluming. Turning to face him, your wand tightened in your grip, once hanging loosely from your hands.<br/><em>Fucking hell, is she always here?</em><br/>He stared back at you, expression blank, as you searched him. In fact, you didn't seem all that phased, not bothering to move from the sink. He wasn't sure what he should say, or if he should even stay, for that matter.  <br/>"Let's not make this a habit," You muttered, before he could leave, features stony. <br/>"I'm not attempting to." Draco shot back, ignoring the scoff that came from you. "You're the one that seems to haunt this bathroom more than Myrtle bloody does." <br/>You scowled, but remained silent, staring down at your lap. He slipped his hands into his pockets, unsure if he should bring up your last meeting, but he supposed it would be best to clarify your intentions whilst you were sat in front of him.<br/>"Should I be expecting a visit from the Ministry anytime soon?"<br/>Frowning, confusion flickered amongst your features for a moment. Then, you shot him a quick glance, hinted with disbelief. <br/>"I told you." You said, tone empty. "You can trust me." <br/>Despite the unease that melted away from him, he sneered. <br/>"I can hardly trust someone who's Occlumency is that shit."<br/>You tensed, before pushing yourself off of the sinks and rounding on him, wand tight in your grip. Eyes hard, and accusatory, you glowered. <br/>"What's that supposed to mean?" Your glare flicked up and down his body, finally taking in his appearance properly for the first time since he came in. He shifted under your inspection, uncomfortable with the way your features pulled in, as though you were judging him. Raising an eyebrow, you spoke again, abandoning whatever words you were about to hurtle at him. "Bloody hell, what happened to you?"<br/>"What happened to you?" Draco narrowed his eyes, eager to have the focus off him. But, he had already noted how ill you looked compared to the last time he saw you. If you passed out there and then, he wouldn't have been surprised. <br/>You blinked, throwing him a glare. <br/>"Why do you care?"<br/>"Why do <em>you?</em>" Draco countered, raising an eyebrow lazily. You frowned, but stayed silent. He pushed again. "So it hasn't got anything to do with the fact that my convict of aunt came to visit, then?"<br/>You stiffened, eyes glazing. A bitter regret pinched at his gut. <br/>Why was he even still stood there? He should have left as soon as he saw you in the room - plus, he knew you weren't going to tell anyone for sure now. <br/>But then, you recovered, fixing Draco with a look that he wasn't sure how to take, wrapping your arms around yourself protectively.<br/>"What happens in my personal life isn't of your concern, Malfoy." <br/>"Back to Malfoy, are we?" He deadpanned, prompting you to grimace. "Maybe you should have thought about that before invading <em>my</em> personal life." <br/>It didn't take long for frustration to take over your indistinct features, glaring at him with a clenched jaw. <br/>"You're the one that decided to practice Legilimency on me!" You spat. His lips pulled into a light scowl. "And I've <em>told</em> you, I'm not going to tell anyone, so can you please stop tormenting me now?" <br/>Draco hesitated. He was reluctant to just leave you walking round knowing a secret that could get him killed. Yes - the chances of you telling anyone was unlikely, and yes - it was doubtful that anyone would try and find out through Legilimency. <br/>But the idea of exposure had made his anxieties so much worse over the past few weeks. He was willing to do almost anything to get them to calm down, even in the slightest. <br/>If he could just get a decent bloody nights sleep...<br/>He sighed. <br/>"If you're going to know, you'll need to learn better Occlumency." <br/>You froze. <br/>Before, you had been acting rather restrained - as though you were unsure of how you should act around him, other than maybe a little pissed off by his remarks. <br/>Your expression now, however, had dissipated into a very genuine dread.<br/>"What?"<br/>"I can't risk you knowing unless you can keep people out." He paused, watching your reaction carefully. "Which, clearly, you can't."<br/>You scoffed. <br/>"My Occlumency is perfectly fine, I'll have you know." <br/>Face dead set, Draco raised his eyebrows and you sighed, defeated. <br/>"Fine. If you're that bloody bothered. I'll talk to Snape."<br/>Panic and a hint of anger flashed through Draco at your implication, and he jumped forward, instinctively taking a few strides towards you. <br/>"<em>No!</em>" He hissed, only to freeze when you pulled back. Your breathing hitched, staring at him with panicked, wide eyes. Clearly, you hadn't forgiven him for the last time he lost control over his actions.<br/>Swallowing, he took a breath, clearing his mind. "No. Don't talk to Snape. Who taught you last time?"  <br/>Eyes clouding, you studied him again - prompting that uncomfortable feeling in his gut. Something about the way you looked at him made him feel utterly too conscious of himself. Never before in his life had he felt so self-aware, and hated it.<br/>But then, your eyes became avoidant. You threw him an uncertain glance as your eyebrows flicked up, lips pulled into a bitter, half-smile.<br/>"My parents." <br/>Ah. <br/>Draco was aware that at some point, your parents had managed to escape Azkaban. After the whole exposure of Deatheaters, including his father, at the Ministry, he wasn't sure if they were caught a second time, or if they had even been there at all. Though, it was unlikely that they hadn't had been there, being some of the more avid supporters of the Dark Lord. He could recall recognising a surname amongst his in the Daily Prophet, too. <br/>Honestly, he hadn't considered it that much. Now, standing in front of their daughter, he wished he had.  <br/>"That's what I thought." You mumbled, having noticed the pause in his demeanour. Draco stared at you, debating his options. <br/>After what he'd seen in your memory, he was pretty much certain that you talking to Potter was out of the question. <br/>This wasn't, however, something he could risk. <br/>It wasn't exactly some petty secret that could cause a scandal if it got out between students, no. Keeping Dumbledore - and anyone else with the ability to use Legilimency on the opposing side, for that matter - unaware, was the utmost priority. <br/>Even if it meant having to give someone he'd spoken to a handful of times Occlumency lessons. <br/>He let out a particularly heavy sigh. <br/>"Fine. I'll bloody teach you, but for one hour a week at most. I <em>do not</em> have time-"<br/>"Wait, wait, wait." You shook your head, staring at him in disbelief. Draco flicked his eyebrow upward. Struggling to get your words out, you continued to look at him, horrified, prompting him to let out an impatient growl.  <br/>"What?<br/>"You - You want to teach me Occlumency?" <br/>The expression on your face could have been laughable. Eyebrows drawn in, mouth agape - as though he had suggested trying to poison a Potions Master. Rolling his eyes, he begun to wish he hadn't suggested anything. <br/>Draco only fixed you with a very bored look. "I wouldn't say I want to, but yes."<br/>Your stare continued for a minute longer, beginning to annoy him to no bloody end. There was a hint of discomfort in your look that almost made him feel annoyingly guilty - but he pushed it away. <br/>Instead, you only sighed, frowning with a shake of the head. <br/>"Fine. When?" <br/>"Thursday, 6 o'clock. At the abandoned classroom on the third floor." Crossing your arms, you gave him a singular nod, expression absent. <br/>"Okay." <br/>Draco continued to search your face, unconvinced by your uncertainty. He would have missed it if he wasn't looking so carefully. <br/>Your lips sent him that twitch he remembered so well. A promise. <em>You can trust me.</em><br/>Without a word, Draco turned away from you, but not before capturing the feeling you left him with, tucking it away deep inside him for the rest of the week.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, tension, not all that much happens ngl bro</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. the first lesson</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Undeniably, you were utterly and completely terrified of Occlumency.<br/>
The entire act of it threw you back into the Easter holidays of your previous year at Hogwarts. Hours and hours of having your parents force their way into your mind, digging through every memory and every thought. Every time it left you sobbing, shaking, begging for them to stop, often having to run to the bathroom and turn out your stomach. They were two strangers, really. You'd been a year old when they'd been sentenced to life in Azkaban.<br/>
Two strangers, rummaging around in your head.<br/>
You were equally terrified of having to let Draco rummage through it, too.<br/>
After having counted down every day till your decided meeting, there was a slight tremor in your hand to compliment the nausea sitting in your stomach as you climbed the shifting stairs. You were grateful that everyone was in the Great Hall and wouldn't be able to see the direction you headed. Not that anyone would take notice. Not unless they'd found some new threats to hurtle at you, anyway.<br/>
Although you tried very hard not to, you seemed to have taken up a new habit of paying attention to Draco and his ever worsening appearance over the past few weeks.<br/>
It was as though he got more and more exhausted every day, and whilst you could feel a very similar phenomenon within yourself, the fact that <em>Draco Malfoy</em> was so concerned about... Whatever it was he was dealing with, was making you - as much as you loathed to admit it - worry. Not just for whatever chaos would surely ensue from it. Of course, it was bound to be related to the mark on his arm, which only made you worry more.<br/>
What the hell had happened to him over the summer?<br/>
Worrying about Draco and whatever his involvement with the Dark Lord was only seemed to make your own anxieties multiply. It was a spiral, a steep and downward spiral, that left you with that constant sick feeling. It was as though you were falling, slowly and quickly all at the same time. You had a million questions for him that you would never allow yourself to ask, and he would most certainly not ever answer, but they echoed in your mind into the night, keeping you tossing and turning in your bed.<br/>
<em>Did he take it willingly? No, surely not, or he wouldn't have been crying about it that time in the bathrooms. Would Draco have just let someone give him that mark? And who did? Does Voldemort have to give each Deatheater a mark individually? Oh, shit, what if I have to actually meet the Dark Lord? No, that doesn't make sense...</em><br/>
On, and on.<br/>
Hesitation overcame you as you finally arrived outside the classroom door and you had to take a deep breath to settle your nerves before you pushed it open.<br/>
Dust shifted in the air as you entered, illuminated by the days last light, which flooded in through the broken, tinted windows. Desks still sat in rows, facing a chalkboard that would most likely never been used again, papers scattered and worn into the floor beneath your feet.<br/>
"You're late."<br/>
The drawl of an increasingly familiar voice still made you jump, and your eyes flicked to the edge of the room opposite you. You'd almost missed him, where he sat on the edge of a desk, partially hidden by the shadows. His wand hung from his fingers, and he flicked it up absentmindedly. <em>"Colloportus."</em><br/>
Behind you, the door clicked, locked.<br/>
"Was that really necessary?" You muttered, edging away from the door, trying to ignore how the action made your heart rate increase. There was no escape.<br/>
You were now locked in a room with Draco Malfoy - who, was about to delve into your most private thoughts - and was also a Deatheater.<br/>
He washed his grey gaze over you, eyes finally coming to meet yours piercingly, sending a small shiver down your spine.<br/>
"Can't be too careful." He shrugged.<br/>
Coming to stand a couple meters away from him, you inspected him, noting how pale he looked. More pale than usual. In fact, he looked as though he could have been sick.<br/>
"You look like you're about to fucking puke." Draco spoke again, monotone, snapping you back to the situation at hand as he withdrew. Looking you up and down, his lips dragged downward in a vague disgust. Feeling all too uneasy under his scrutiny, but passing off the feeling, you rolled your eyes.<br/>
"Skip the niceties, by all means." Your mutter prompted him to smirk lightly, your gaze becoming all too focused on the way the corner of his lips then shifted upward.<br/>
"I'm about to be inside your head. I wouldn't worry about niceties." Dread pooled in your gut at his blunt words, and you pulled your eyes away from him.<br/>
Standing, he gave you another, rather condescending look. "You aren't about to puke, are you?"<br/>
"No," You groaned, shooting him a glare. "Let's just - just get on with it."<br/>
Draco only tightened his grip on his wand, adjusting his stance. "Clear your mind, and focus."<br/>
Your chest was painfully tight, sending him a nod of acknowledgement. He seemed to take this as a prompt, as his wand came upward, and he spoke clearly.<br/>
<em>"Legilimens!"</em><br/>
Panic flooded your being as his conscious plummeted into yours, thoughts loud and overbearing as you tried so hard to ignore them - but the feeling was overpowering, utterly overwhelming, and your parents voices were too loud in your ears again.<br/>
<em>Stop being so overemotional! Compartmentalise!</em><br/>
It was too much.<br/>
<em>The Forbidden Forest, third year.<br/>
"Deatheaters like Dementors, don't they?" Laughs and shouts came from around you, their grips hard on your arms. They dragged you through the trees, your feet skimming over fallen branches, stopping you from struggling. You were shouting, protesting, but the grips were tightening more and more. There was a dip in the ground, and then you were falling, hitting the dirt with a thud and rolling over damp mud. "You'll be right at home with the Dementors. Mum and Dad ever talk about them?"<br/>
Winded, you coughed, heaving as the cheers died down.<br/>
Icy cold spread over your skin, the sound of deathly wheezing echoing in your ears.<br/>
Footsteps, fell away and you ran your eyes over the lake - cloaked figures descending around you, predator to prey. You let out a choked sob, gripped with fear.<br/>
Stumbling to your feet, you began to run, one of the vile creatures swooping in close. Your ears rang as it approached you, and the force of the kiss pushed you back to the ground. Terrified, you curled in on yourself, shivering and freezing.<br/>
Just kill me, please, just kill me-</em><br/>
Another dark blur, and then you were plunged into another setting before you could even attempt to take back an ounce of control.<br/>
<em>The Room of Requirement filled out around you, bursts of white light shooting across the room. Joy - it was such an unfamiliar feeling, but you welcomed it as your lips stretched into a grin. Hermione Granger shot you an equally wide smile as a bright, white otter swum around her, before jetting towards you, just missing you as your own patronus leaped up into the air. A laugh escaped your lips, echoing in your ears as you stared back at the creature, swiftly moving up, up, up, until - there was an awful shattering, the walls seeming to groan, lights flickering around you.<br/>
The joy dissipated, and you were left with fear.<br/>
Words scrawled across your hand, etched into your skin, burning.<br/>
"Harry! Hey, Harry,"<br/>
You were in the hallway, now, after detention with Umbridge. The trio did not stop, Harry's head only turning briefly as you called.<br/>
"I need to talk to you," You tried, rushing after them, and he finally stopped, only to spin and fix you with a stare.<br/>
"It's over." He growled. "Stop making excuses. You told Malfoy, didn't you?"<br/>
"No!" You begged. "How could you say it was me? You saw Cho-"<br/>
"Don't bother talking to us again, Y/N."<br/>
There was rage. A lot of rage, but it only simmered into a terrible self loathing, as you watched them walk away, burning inside. Smouldering.</em><br/>
Before another memory could take the previous one's place, you threw yourself out of the memory violently.<br/>
Stumbling away from him, you dropped to your knees, tears stinging your eyes. Bile burnt the back of your throat as gasping desperately for oxygen. That horrible feeling of rejection took a moment to fully fade, leaving you shivering and hiccuping as tears rolled down your cheeks.<br/>
"Take your time." Draco sounded a lot closer than he was before, and you pushed yourself to sit upright. Dragging in long, deep breaths, your eyes shut as you wrapped your arms around your legs, curling in on yourself. Shockingly, he didn't have that usual taunt in his tone. When the dizziness finally passed, you dared to open your eyes, wiping your face and giving him a glimpse.<br/>
Draco looked tense, features tight as he stared back at you. The look in his eye was intense - but other than that, you couldn't quite decipher what emotion it was reflecting.<br/>
Before you could talk, he extended his hand, and you stared at it for a moment. The out of character act eased the knot of anxiety in your stomach, and you took it, allowing him to help pull you up off the floor, his eyes not leaving you once. Avoidant of that persistent gaze, you sighed.<br/>
"What?"<br/>
"What?" Draco raised an eyebrow.<br/>
"If you've got something to say, then just bloody say it." You snapped, lips curling into a small frown. He continued to watch you, silent, for another second.<br/>
"Why did you help Potter?" Draco asked, tone edged but not harsh. You blinked in surprise, lips forming a small frown.<br/>
"What do you mean?"<br/>
"You joined that group." He stated, as though his question had a very obvious answer. "Why? You get treated like shit by Mudbloods."<br/>
Hesitating, you faltered, struggling to put words together as he continued to search your expression.<br/>
"I - I guess I had something to prove," You began, carefully, narrowing your eyes at Draco. His eyes were piercing, brow furrowed with his arms crossed across his chest. "Why do you care, anyway?"<br/>
"I don't." He spoke, quick, cold. "It just seems idiotic."<br/>
A spark of anger flickered in your chest, and you tensed your jaw, head shifting to the side ever so slightly.<br/>
"I don't need your input on my choices, <em>Malfoy.</em>" You spoke low, warning, his eyes lighting up as his lips pulled into a small sneer of amusement at your tone.<br/>
"No, I'm intrigued," Draco pushed, a cruel look flushing over his features. "Tell me why you'd want to fight for the side that took your family away from you."<br/>
"Shut up." The anger was simmering, breathing shallow as you stared at him.<br/>
"You really want to save the people that carved up your arm? Fed you to Dementors?" That smirk was vile as it crawled upon his lips, eyes set on you as you struggled to keep your emotions at bay, tears now stinging your eyes.<br/>
"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about."<br/>
"Because as much as you try to, you're not going to get away from it." The grey in his eyes was cold, the smile falling, leaving him with a dead look that chilled you to the bone. "You're <em>always</em> going to be the daughter of two murderers."<br/>
Ripping your wand out of your pocket, you flung a wordless spell towards him - he managed to react quickly, throwing himself out the way. The spell, instead, hit the wall, leaving the brick black and singed. Draco gaped, eyes wide, from you to the wall.<br/>
"That could have killed me!"<br/>
"You're pathetic." You spat, hot with fury. "You will never, <em>never</em>, understand what it's like to not have a choice."<br/>
Something flickered in his eyes, and his features pulled in painfully tight. You faltered. You'd never seen him look so angry, except for perhaps the first time you'd seen him in the bathrooms.<br/>
"You think I had a <em>choice?</em>" Draco hissed, eyes stormy as he glared at you. "You think I fucking wanted this? If I don't do this - my mother will die, I will die!"<br/>
A terrible silence fell between you.<br/>
Breathing shallow and heart hammering in your chest, you stared at him, horror settling in your chest. Draco seemed to be just as stunned, shoulders rising and falling harshly, rage still echoing in his now fallen expression.<br/>
"Do what?" Your voice trembled as you spoke. His eyes darted away from you, before he became vacant again.<br/>
"It's none of your business." He grumbled, stalking toward the door. "We're done for today."<br/>
"Draco-"<br/>
But he had already unlocked the door with the flick of his wand, and you came to stand in the doorway as he strode out the room, vanishing into the darkness of the corridor.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, bullying, implications of suicidal thoughts, draco and everyone else being mean but mostly draco</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. the common room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sleeping was becoming difficult again. <br/>You had been struggling to sleep for a while - ever since you had met your parents for the first time, in fact. It fluctuated, mostly, between you sleeping too much, or too little, and since Bellatrix... well, it got even worse. You thought you had managed to shake off most of the insomnia, finally, by the first couple weeks of being back at Hogwarts, exhausted from classes and work. Since your first Occlumency lesson with Draco, however, it had crept back up on you. <br/>Tossing and turning in your bed was ironically tiring, your mind too empty and welcoming bad memories you really did not want to remember at all. And so, you had taken to sitting in the common room - once you were sure everyone else had gone to their dorms - to curl up with a book by the fire. <br/>Tonight had been no different. <br/>It was around 3am. The fire was still blazing, but you had given up reading a while ago, head too messy to focus on the words on the page. What you hadn't expected, however, was the familiar rumble of the shifting wall that hid the common room to pull you from your thoughts. Eyes fixed on the passageway, you froze as someone strode in, gaze landing on you immediately. <br/>Of course it was <em>Draco Malfoy.</em><br/>You couldn't shake the anger Draco had left you with for a while. His words had played on repeat in your mind, keeping that rage simmering in your chest. So much, in fact, that you had contemplated if you would even bother turning up to the next session. But, after a few days, the anger melted away. <br/>Draco - annoyingly - had a point.  <br/>It didn't make sense, you supposed, to anyone looking from the outside in. In fact, it occurred to you that it didn't really make sense to you, either. Not really. <br/>You had just been so desperate to prove yourself to be something, <em>anything</em>, other than what you had been labelled as. And so, despite everything, you had jumped to the aid of those who had scorned you your whole life. <br/>Not that you blamed Hermione or her friends for what happened to you, or you disliked Muggleborns, but you equally came to understand what Draco was saying. After his form of upbringing especially, you could see why he wouldn't understand.<br/>Draco paused, for a second. There was a silence, stretched between you, on the sofa, and where he stood, wand hanging from his hand. Words came to mind, but they lodged in your throat, until he finally turned and headed towards the boys dorms, expression passive, as though he'd never seen you in the first place. <br/>"Draco, wait." You managed to call, jumping to your feet. He hesitated, before turning and looking at you with an arched brow. <br/>"I didn't realise we were on a first name basis." His tone dead, you rolled your eyes. <br/>"Malfoy, then." You paused. "Wait, do you even know my name?"<br/>He scoffed, shaking his head, shifting to walk away again. <br/>"<em>Malfoy,</em>" You urged, taking a few steps forward. <br/>"<em>What?</em>" He hissed, spinning round to fix you with a glare. Scanning his expression, you had to admit, he looked exhausted, the dark rings around his eyes giving him a sunken look. <br/>"Can we talk?" <br/>Draco narrowed his gaze, scowling. <br/>"I'm not going to tell you anything, before you start asking questions." <br/>"I wasn't, actually." You retorted, crossing your arms. "If it's got anything to do with... What I already know - well, I suppose it's best I don't know more." <br/>"Glad you got the message." He muttered, visibly relaxing, but his gaze remained guarded. A small silence settled between you as you debated your next words, Draco watching you, expectant. <br/>"I've been thinking a lot," You started, avoiding his eyes. "About what you said." <br/>"I was trying to piss you off." Draco said, as though it were obvious. "To test your Occlumency." <br/>"Right." You uttered, suddenly feeling awkward under the pressure of his gaze. <em>Of course, you're taking it too bloody personally, you dimwit.</em> "Well, I  guess I understand where you were coming from-" <br/>"You what?" <br/>"I mean, don't get me wrong, it did piss me off-"  <br/>"You're not making any bloody sense." Draco interjected, features tensing, confusion etched into his expression. <br/>"I'm trying to say we can forget about it." You winced inwardly at your tone, words rushed. "And I'm sorry I nearly... burnt you." <br/>"<em>Burnt</em> me?" Draco raised his eyebrows dramatically. "I'd be dead if that hit me." <br/>"I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be dead." You scoffed, falling silent again, cheeks hot. He stared at you for a minute, searching your face - making you feel very uncomfortable, as though he were judging you. <br/>"We aren't friends, you know." He said. Faltering, you frowned at him, unsure about the sudden change in topic. <br/>"I'm aware." <br/>"Then why are you acting like a Hufflepuff?" <br/>"I am not acting like a Hufflepuff." You shot him a disgusted glare, his eyes glittering in amusement at your offence. "Just because we aren't friends doesn't mean we can't be civil, Malfoy. We're not exactly enemies." <br/>Draco took a moment to reply, staring at you, unreadable. <br/>"I'm pretty sure what I am makes us enemies," He spoke slowly - careful. Not unsympathetic, as though he were trying not to trigger another argument. <br/>"You didn't choose... <em>that.</em>" You said, cautious. Draco swallowed, eyes darting away from you for a second. "And I don't hate you. When you're not giving me shit about my life, that is." <br/>"I was testing your Occlumency." He repeated, though you noted the slight bitterness in his tone. It was most likely the closest to an apology you were going to get. Your lips quirked upward into a faint smile, glimpsing at him in understanding. <br/>"I know." <br/>Draco's gaze lingered on you a moment longer, before he straightened, raising an eyebrow at you. <br/>"Can I leave now or are you going to chase me again?" He drawled, his usual confidence returning from his momentary uncertainty. Shaking your head, you glanced away from him, only to look back. <br/>"Try actually sleeping tonight. You look awful." Raising your eyebrows, your voice was lilted, teasing. You knew, though, that it held a sincere undertone that Draco seemed not to notice - or, at least, chose to ignore. <br/>"Not friends, remember?" He growled, turning and sauntering away towards the boys dorms. <br/>And though you despised yourself for it, you couldn't help but smile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, could offend hufflepuffs</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. the second lesson</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time Thursday rolled around, Draco couldn't tell if he was dreading your meeting, or rather disgustingly, looking forward to it.<br/>You were... interesting, to say the least. He could admit, that it was nice to be able to focus on someone else's problems rather than his own for once, with your memories acting as a distraction from his. And, you were complex - that much was obvious. Hard to read.  <br/>Draco had found himself trying to determine what was going on inside your head as you looked at him - anticipate your next move. Yet, he never could. <br/>It was ridiculously annoying. He knew he was skilled at Occlumency, he prided himself on it - and yet, he never knew what to expect from you. <br/>Lent against the wall, his eyes snapped up to the door as it creaked open. You pulled yourself in after it, shooting him a quick glance as it fell shut behind you. Before he could raise his wand, however, you flicked your own up. <br/>"<em>Colloportus.</em>" You dared him a quick smile.  <br/>"Y/N." He greeted, coolly, clearly taking you off guard as you paused. Smug, he watched as you quickly attempted to cover your shock with the arch of your eyebrow, scanning him as you settled yourself  couple meters away. <br/>"You do know my name." Your mouth twitched as you spoke, before pausing. "One second - I thought we weren't on a first name basis?" <br/>"We aren't," Draco scoffed, wishing he didn't pay as much attention as he did to the way you bit back your self-satisfied grin. Pushing himself off the wall, he withdrew his wand from his back pocket. "Ready to start?" <br/>You swallowed, steadying your expression before sending him a quick nod. Directing his wand at you, he noticed a flicker of discomfort in your eyes, but the spell was already on his lips. <br/>"<em>Legilimens.</em>" <br/>The hardness of your conscious was more noticeable this time - you'd definitely been able to put more force into it, your eyes fierce and clear. Lips dragging down in struggle, he pulled back a little, only to push forward again, sharp. You gasped, and then reality fell away. <br/>Draco recognised the two Gryffindors immediately. <br/>There was a terrible, searing pain in his left arm. The ragged breaths coming from him tore his throat apart, hands keeping him in place against the wall. They muttered stomach churning comments under their breaths as the blade pulled across his skin, evoking a much louder wail from within him - but it wasn't his. <br/>It was as though the blade was scalding hot, digging deep into the skin of his arm, a hand harshly clamping his mouth shut. <br/>"<em>Shut your fucking mouth, Deatheater.</em>" A hiss in his ear. His skin crawled at how close he was, breath tickling his neck. <br/>The door burst open. <br/>Before he could get a glimpse of his own face, Draco was stumbling out of the memory, having to take a step back to catch himself at how hard you had pushed him out. Taking in a deep breath, he finally noticed you opposite him, shoulders hunched and face hidden. Not as though you were going to be sick, like the last time, but more rigid. In shock.<br/>There was a pang of concern in his chest that he instantly passed off, and he edged closer to you, uncertain. <br/>"You okay?" Draco asked, frowning. Jumping back, you stared at him with wide, frantic eyes, chest heaving. You looked utterly horrified, staring at him as though he was the one to have been attacking you. Something in his chest twisted, and he forced himself not to acknowledge it.<br/> "It's only me." His tone uncharacteristically soft, you were silent for another moment, before staring back down at your arm, which you cradled to your chest.<br/>Blood was rolling down your fingertips, dripping onto the floor. <br/>"What the <em>fuck-</em>" <br/>"Don't!" You threw yourself back as he reached out to grab your arm, shaking - only to wince, letting out a small moan of pain. <br/>"Give me your arm." Draco demanded, and you shook your head, even as your features pulled in terribly. Not wanting to come closer and make you panic even more, but also growing increasingly concerned about the amount of blood that was starting to stain your shirt, he stood helplessly, heart hammering in his chest. <br/>After a second, you grimaced, shifting. Your hand quivered as you tried to undo the button keeping your sleeve fastened, shooting a look of desperation at Draco. Taking that as a prompt to help, he practically lunged forward, hand wrapping around your wrist gently to try and hold you still. Nimbly, he opened the sleeve, and you shakily pushed it up, blood thick, sticking the fabric to the cuts. You hissed, and Draco felt dizzy as he took in the state of your arm. <br/>It was even worse than it had been the first time he'd seen it. <br/>"Wand," You grunted, and Draco snapped his eyes back to your face, features wide with alarm. Whatever you said didn't seem to resonate in his mind, and you let out a much louder groan. "Give me your wand!" <br/>Grabbing it from his back pocket, he shoved it towards you, and you took it along with another gasp of pain. <br/>Each cut was reopening, <em>agonisingly</em> slow, as though the cuts were being made all over again. <br/>"What the fuck did they do to you?" Draco growled, but you only shot him a brief look, before steadying your hand as much as possible to hover his wand over the wounds. You swallowed, taking in a deep breath, and muttering a spell that Draco had never heard before. <br/>"<em>Abscondere veritatem.</em>"<br/>He watched, amazed and slightly horrified, as the blood began to withdrew back into the cuts. Once your arm was almost clean, they started to heal over, leaving behind pale lines in your skin, the word remaining identifiable. <br/>A shaky breath came from you, and Draco realised you were staring directly at him. His hand was still wrapped around your wrist. Snatching it away from you, you slumped yourself on a desk, flicking his wand over your opposite hand with a mumble. The blood that stained your shirt and hands vanished, and you finally offered his wand back to him. He took it quickly, waiting for you to speak with an expectant, desperate in his eye. <br/>You didn't. You just stared at him. <br/>"Are you going to explain what the fuck just happened?" Draco snapped, raising his eyebrows at you wildly. <br/>"Your wand doesn't agree with me," You only grumbled, eyeing it in his grip. <br/><em>Are you fucking kidding me? She nearly bleeds out and she wants to talk about my bloody wand?</em><br/>"My wand is perfectly fine. Fucking explain. Now." He fixed you with a hard glare. Swallowing, you sighed heavily, avoiding his eyes. <br/>"They enchanted the blade," You murmured. "Whenever someone sees - or finds out - it reopens." <br/>It took everything in Draco not to immediately march over to the Gryffindor tower and strangle the first one in sight. <br/>Instead, he just ground his teeth, fists clenching at his sides. You were shifting your glance anywhere but him, tugging at the cusp of your sleeve, which you'd yanked back down over the scars. Lip pulled in through your teeth, it finally dawned on Draco that you were ashamed. Embarrassed. <br/>"What was that spell you used?" He asked, keeping his voice mild, swallowing back his anger and attempting to take the pressure of silence off you. Blinking, you finally glimpsed at him again. <br/>"<em>Abscondere veritatem.</em>" You repeated it, lips pulling into a frown, shuddering. "It's a combination of healing and cleaning spells I put together." <br/>"You did that yourself?" Draco raised his eyebrows, admittedly impressed. Not many students your age would even dream of producing their own spell, especially one you had been able to perform injured, with someone else's wand. <br/>"Don't look so surprised." You shot back, edged with a good humour that prompted Draco's lips to twitch. "It took a few visits to Madame Pomfrey before I could get it right, I'll admit." <br/>"That I'm not so surprised about." Draco found his eyes shifting back to your arm, and he forced himself to pull them back to you. You were already watching him, lost in thought, and he raised an eyebrow. "What?"<br/>"It's - it's nothing," You shook your head, averting your gaze, but then you were looking back at him again. "I just - Why didn't you tell anyone?" Draco's brow knitted for a second, and you rushed to elaborate, cheeks flushed. "About when you - er, found me?" <br/>Oh. <br/>He should have known that question was coming, but he had not prepared himself for it. <br/>A million reasons ran through his mind, but he ignored them. He really did not want to have to delve into his psyche and explain his undying hatred for Gryffindors. Or, the stupid soft spot he managed to develop for you before you'd even spoken for the first time. <br/>Keeping his expression blank, he only offered you a shrug. "It wasn't my secret to tell." <br/>Your eyes searched him, clearly unconvinced by his vague answer. For a second, he thought you were going to push further, but then you nodded, gaze falling off somewhere behind him. <br/>"I suppose we're done today," He stated, wanting to escape before you could ask him anymore questions. As he took a step towards the door, however, you abruptly jumped to your feet. <br/>"Wait!" <br/>Draco stared at you. Every time he thought he'd managed to figure you out, you proved him wrong. Moments ago, you looked exhausted - but now, your eyes were alight again. <br/><em>She's going to give me bloody whiplash at this point.</em>   <br/>"Yes?" He flicked his eyebrow up, and you paused, tugging at your sleeve. <br/>"I - er -" You let out a sigh, before digging your hand into your robe pockets. Draco watched you, not quite sure what he was supposed to expect, when you finally found whatever you were searching for and shoved your hand in his direction. His gaze shifted from you, to your hand, and then back, before he rolled his eyes and stretched his hand out to take it. <br/>What you had been searching for was a Sleeping Draught. <br/>"I know you said 'not friends'." You sounded nervous, the emotion unfamiliar on your tone, and he looked back at you from where he had been examining the small potion in his palm. "But you do look like shit. I thought you could do with it." <br/>Draco had to bite back a laugh. <br/>Because, you looked so worried, standing there under his intense glare, attempting to hide your hesitation. Because Sleeping Draughts had stopped working for him at least a month ago. <br/>He must have been staring for too long, however, as a look of pure regret stretched over your features.<br/>"Shit," You finally breathed, pulling back from him. "I didn't mean to seem like an arse-" <br/>He wasn't sure quite what it was. Your utterly ridiculous, out of character, nervousness - the lingering, shaken up feeling from you bleeding on him, <em>again</em> - or the fact that no one, except his mother, had ever tried to help him because it was him, and not because they wanted something. <br/>But Draco had taken two long strides and pulled you into a hug. <br/>You froze, dead, as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, tucking your head under his chin effortlessly. Then, just as Draco was beginning to bitterly regret his spontaneity, you snaked your arms around his waist and melted into him, shoulders dropping with a release of tension. <br/>He couldn't even deny it to himself, this time, letting his eyes flutter shut for a second, taking note of how good your shampoo smelt.<br/>Draco couldn't deny that it was the lightest he had felt in a long time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, blood, quite a bit of blood, gryffindors being shit again, descriptions of deep cuts</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. the third lesson</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>just a quick reminder that all warnings are left at the end of the chapter so that you can read without spoilers if need be! enjoy safely, kids.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To say you felt confused about Draco by the time it was coming to your third meeting would be an understatement.<br/>It had been a long, long week. Studying was becoming more and more tedious. Being in the same lessons as Draco was also proving to make paying attention increasingly difficult; there had been several occasions when he'd looked up from the notes in front of him to find you already staring at him from your desk. Cheeks flushing, you'd only pretend to busy yourself with your work, inwardly cringing. <br/>Whilst his outburst during your first meeting had managed to indirectly answer the questions that had previously bugged you, it had also managed to provoke more. Mostly, about what the hell the Dark Lord had tasked Draco to do - and why it was so awful that he was running himself into the ground trying to get it done. December had only began, but you dreaded to think what he would go home to for Christmas. You, yourself, were not so thrilled about having to return home, the thought of Bellatrix Lestrange potentially making another visit putting you on constant edge. <br/>And, to make matters worse, it seemed that the hug between you and Draco during your last meeting cropped up in your thoughts more commonly than you'd ever allow yourself to admit. Whatever had come across him to make him hug you - after, only days before, making it very clear that you were not friends - well, you had no idea what it was. The feeling of someone with their arms wrapped around you was so alien. After all, you had spent most of your years at Hogwarts with a ghost, and the times you did have living friends, physical contact had come few and far between. <br/>And yet, with Draco, it had felt so... <em>natural.</em> <br/>You found your thoughts crawling back to him on several occasions. His heart beating, slow, the smell of his expensive cologne - the way you fitted, just under his chin. It all offered a frustratingly tempting sense of comfort, and you forbid yourself from thinking about it. <br/>Of course, you thought about it anyway. <br/>"You're late again." <br/>Draco's mechanical tone came as soon as you stepped into the classroom. It took a moment for you to turn as you had been shutting the door, locking it as usual. <br/>"Maybe you're just always early." You sighed, finally facing where he was sat, on the same desk he always seemed to linger by. <br/><em>Bloody hell.</em> <br/>Draco looked damn right <em>abysmal.</em> Eyes bloodshot, shadows set his features in deeply, as though he hadn't eaten in a week. His shoulders slumped, but not in the cocky manner they usually were. Even the raise of his eyebrow was sluggish. <br/>"What's wrong with me this time?" He droned, lazily watching as you'd frozen mid-movement, staring at him from across the room. <br/>"Malfoy, when was the last time you <em>ate?</em>" You strode closer towards him, stomach dropping as you noted how much worse he looked the closer you got. "Or slept? Did you try taking the Sleeping Draught?"<br/>"Too many questions." Draco winced away from you, waving his hand dismissively and getting to his feet. You tried your best not to sigh, watching him for a moment longer.<br/><em>He shouldn't be doing anything other than napping, let alone performing Legilimency.</em> <br/>"Are you going to be okay-" <br/>"I'm fine. Now shut up." <br/>Scowling, but not pushing further, you emptied your mind, watching as Draco pulled out his wand and pointed it towards you, eyebrow arched in question. You gave him a nod, and then he spoke. <br/><em>"Legilimens."</em> <br/>The force of the spell was less unexpected this time, and you frantically pushed it back. It was like trying to catch boiling water in your bare hands, desperately trying not to let it slip through your fingers, or drop it at all, your skin sizzling painfully as you contained it. A moment passed, and for a second you thought you'd successfully kept him out - then, a second wave, more scalding than ever. You recognised your own gasp as it hit you - sharp, like the first time he'd cast the spell on you in the bathrooms.<br/>Before you could stop it, the water was slipping through your fingers. <br/><em>"Have you ever spoken to him? Malfoy?"</em> <br/>Hermione Granger's voice filtered back to you. It was one of those rare times they'd snuck you into the Gryffindor common room after a DA meeting. Harry and Ron sat on the sofa opposite you, Harry visibly perking up at the mention of Draco, setting his eyes on you. The glint within them were almost intimidating.  <br/>You hesitated, shaking your head as your lips parted. <br/><em>"Come on,"</em> Harry groaned before you could speak. <em>"You can't tell me you've been going to school with him for five years and you haven't spoken to him once. He's in your house."</em> <br/><em>"I really don't see many people from my house if I can help it."</em> You shot back, before sighing. <em>"But fine, okay? I've spoken to him once."</em> <br/><em>"What shit did he give you?"</em> Ron grumbled, and you froze, for a moment. <br/>All eyes lingered on you, and your arm began to burn. Reminding. You tugged at your sleeve as it did. <br/><em>"He didn't."</em> Your voice was quiet. <em>"He was... nice."</em> <br/>Then, it all fell away.<br/>There was nothing to see - just darkness, and the softness of a beating heart. Arms around your shoulders, firm, but careful. The flutter of your hair as someone breathed, slow. A chin resting on your head. <br/>Expensive cologne. <br/>"Stop it." <br/>Your growl had left you before you'd fully pulled back into reality. Whilst you had to swallow heavily to push back the sick feeling in your stomach, there was no true panic left behind - only humiliation. <br/>Draco's face was blank, but those grey eyes held an emotion you couldn't quite decipher. Narrowing your eyes, you shot him a glare through your dizziness.<br/>"Did you do that on purpose?" You pressed, prompting the corners of his lips to shift a little. Straightening, you ignored the sudden tightness in your chest. "Draco Malfoy, you little <em>shit-</em>"<br/>"So you think I'm <em>nice?</em>" Eyes glittering with a taunting amusement as you avoided looking anywhere in his general direction, Draco's lips pulled into a very smug smirk. "And I <em>smell</em> good? I mean, if I knew you were going to enjoy it that much I wouldn't have bothered-"<br/>"Shut up!" His teasing stung more than you'd liked, and whilst he'd stopped talking, his complacent grin did not fall from his lips. Your body burned hot with embarrassment. "Don't go looking for yourself in my memories. It's rude, and honestly, it's bloody narcissistic." <br/>"I never denied being either of those things," Draco spoke smoothly, and you shot him the dirtiest glance you could muster. Flicking his brow upward, his eyes cheekily darted away from you, barely even attempting to hide his smile. Your throat dried as he did - how dare he be so bloody attractive? - and you had to blink, snapping your eyes away from him before he noticed. <br/>"I'm just - I'm just not used to it, alright?" You grumbled, prompting his face to settle more into one you recognised. His brow knitted neatly together. <br/>"What do you mean?"  <br/>"People." You still didn't meet his gaze, fiddling with the cuff of your sleeve. "Well, being... close to them, anyway." <br/>Draco searched your expression for a moment, and you dared a glimpse up at him. He was staring at you with the unreadable glint again, like he was before he began his taunting. It was intense, and made your chest squeeze with both discomfort and something else you couldn't quite describe. <br/>"Not even your family?" He asked, carefully, shaking his head when you fixed him with a dead expression. "I know not your parents, but whoever raised you. They don't show affection at all?" <br/>You hesitated. Why Draco was suddenly interested in your personal life, you had no idea, but his intentions didn't seem malicious. In fact, his expression was the smallest bit softer than usual. <br/>"I live with my mother's sister." You explained, tone vacant, shrugging. "She pretends I don't exist, mostly." <br/>Draco fell silent, only giving you a singular nod of acknowledgement - and, if you were honest, you were glad he didn't offer any halfhearted sympathy. <br/>A question lingered on the tip of your tongue, and you scanned his features, unsure. <br/>"Malfoy?" <br/>His eyes snapped back up to you, and he answered with a small hum. Your teeth dragged over your bottom lip before you spoke. <br/>"Are you going to be alright over Christmas?" <br/>Draco only stared at you for a second, clearly having not expected you to turn the conversation onto him. His shoulders seemed to tense, but then he shrugged, features stony. <br/>"Nothing I haven't dealt with before." <br/>That cold, matter-of-fact tone did nothing to hide the bitterness and dread hidden within his words. <br/>In fact, they remained clear in your conscious for the rest of the week, as the days of December counted down. <br/>Draco was doing well to hide it. So well, that you questioned if you had only made an assumption and not really caught it within his words. <br/>But Draco was <em>scared.</em> And for that reason, in particular - so were you.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, indications of childhood neglect</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. the constellation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warnings at the end!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was one of those nights where Draco couldn't get anything to work.<br/>He wasn't sure what time it actually was - well past curfew, he knew that much. By the time he'd finally decided to leave the Room of Requirement, and give himself a break from working on the Vanishing Cabinet, exhaustion gnawed at his thoughts. He knew by now, though, that sleeping wasn't on the table. The minute his head would touch his pillow, his mind would be alight again, turning things over and over in his head until the mornings first light would begin to seep in through the window. <br/>And so, as he strolled through the darkness of the corridors, he allowed himself wander. Greeted with the cold air of mid-December, he bit back a shiver. Snow had already settled itself over the grounds, but its serenity only served as a harsh reminder for Draco. <br/><em>Fucking Vanishing Cabinet. I've got less than two weeks and I have nothing to tell the Dark Lord. Maybe pitching myself off the Astronomy Tower wasn't such a bad idea.</em> Ironically - that's exactly where he found himself walking to. <br/>The stairway he climbed offered no more warmth than outside the curved walls, and he moved his legs quicker in hopes of keeping the feeling in them. <br/><em>Should have picked up a scarf before I decided to take a bloody jog at whatever time in the fucking morning it is.</em> <br/>However, Draco paused as he reached the top platform. Someone stood at the very edge, peering over the railings, and for a moment, his heart jumped. At any minute, it looked as though they were about to throw themselves off into the darkness below - but then they pulled back, hands still wrapped around the metal railings.<br/>It was only when you shifted your head, allowing the light of the moon to bounce off of your features, that he recognised you. <br/>The sight of you resonated in that same feeling it always did, chest squeezing tight. He couldn't help but feel an instant sense of ease wash over him as it did, remembering your last meeting. He hated the way he was growing warmer to you - one way or another, it was inevitably going to end bad for the both of you. <br/>But, it had been so long since he'd felt so comfortable around someone. After summer, even being around Pansy, Blaise and the others was grinding, exhausting, even. You, for some reason, still had that easy atmosphere he first noticed in the broom cupboard, and Draco was more than willing to be in it. <br/>"It's a long way down." <br/>You jumped, almost comical, when he finally spoke. Having to steady yourself by the railings, you spun to look at him, hand grasping at your chest as you took in a breath. <br/>"Bloody <em>hell,</em> Malfoy," You groaned, watching him as he moved away from the stairs. He came to stand by the edge with you, allowing the wind to pull some strands of his hair out of place. Draco found himself scanning your face, but other than the permanent bags under your eyes, you didn't appear distressed. "Are you sure you're not following me?" <br/>Scoffing, he rolled his eyes, hands resting in his pockets. <br/>"Don't flatter yourself." Despite his words, a harmless teasing tainted his tone, and you shot him a look, the twinkle within it equally reluctant. "Why are you up here? Contemplating offing yourself?"<br/>It was your turn to scoff at his bluntness. The way you hesitated to answer, however, spiked the concern that lingered in his chest. Draco's lips dragged into a deep scowl, fixing you with a look. "Were you?" <br/>"No." You retorted, glancing at him, but not quite in the eye. Your voice was quiet as you added - "Not tonight, anyway." <br/>A pit of fear settled in his stomach. The idea that you might have done, or had felt temptation to before, was more sickening than Draco wanted to admit. Instead, he only continued to watch you without a reply. Something on your face was wistful as you stared into the distance, hair flicking about in the wind, cheeks red and eyes watery from the cold. <br/>You looked frustratingly attractive. The colour of your eyes stood out in the sheer moonlight, shadows casting your features sharper than usual. He tried to bite back the unsavoury thoughts intruding his mind - but the breath that caught in his throat? No, he couldn't help that. <br/>"Worse ways to go, though." You mumbled, and it took a second for Draco to process your words. Your gaze turned back to him, sending him a brief, halfhearted smile. Shifting, he shrugged. <br/>"I suppose." <br/>Draco had seen too many people dragged to deaths door. Painfully. Bloodily. Going that same way at the hands of a certain wizard... It haunted him. It followed him into the night, into his dreams, stained his memories. <br/>Draco bit back a sudden grimace, flicking his eyes back over the railings, feeling even colder than before. <br/>Yes. There were a <em>lot</em> worse ways to go. <br/>"Why are you up here?" <br/>He found his gaze flickering back to you as you spoke, taking in your reserved expression. <br/>"Fancied a walk." He said, and your lips straightened, disbelieving. Yet, you didn't push for another answer, and Draco turned away from you and your pressurising eyes, peering up into the night sky.<br/>There was a short silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, like he would have imagined, but more settled. The wind whistled in his ears every so often, but other than that, it was quiet. It had to be one of the most quiet places in Hogwarts - calm, peaceful. <br/>Draco once thrived in loud places; being the centre of attention. Now, he couldn't even stand the smallest of murmurs. <br/>"You're up there." Your words took him off guard, and he flicked a confused glance towards you.  Lifting your arm, you pointed up towards a set of stars, to a very familiar constellation. <br/>Something in his chest made that same squeeze, and his lips curled up, casting his expression into one much more gentle than usual. <br/>It was his constellation. Draco.  <br/>"That's me." Draco breathed, his tone a lot softer than he anticipated, earning him a look he didn't meet. He spoke again, in a much more intentional, neutral voice. "So you like Astronomy, then?" <br/>"I spend a lot of time up here." You admitted, squinting up at the sky again. "You can just make out the Big Dipper, to the left of you. The Little Dipper should be beneath you, but it's not showing up very well tonight." <br/>Draco, however, wasn't looking up at the sky. <br/>He watched you, as you pointed out each constellation, your brow furrowed in the slightest as you searched the sky. When you finally turned your heard to look at him, you faltered, clearly not expecting him to already be looking your way. <br/>Something dulled in your eyes, before you spoke with a note of dejection. <br/>"You knew that already, didn't you?"<br/>Draco couldn't help but give you a small smile. <br/>"We learnt it in first year." <br/>"Oh. Right." You let out a breathy laugh, lips shooting a momentary smile. Beginning to avoid his gaze, Draco's heart dropped. <br/>"I'd much rather hear you explain it than Professor Sinistra, though." He added, quickly, and your previous expression seemed to melt away. Your mouth quirked up, into a much more genuine smile this time, eyes holding a teasing glint as you glimpsed at him. <br/>"You're being oddly nice, Malfoy." You searched him for a second. "What do I owe you?" <br/>"Just because we aren't friends doesn't mean we can't be civil, <em>Y/N.</em>" Draco mimicked you, flicking his eyebrow up - but you only met him with a challenging smirk. <br/>"Y/N? First name basis now, too, are we?" <br/>Draco scoffed. <br/>"I think I've been in your heard enough to call you by your first name." He pointed out. You flattened your lips, giving him an admitting shrug. <br/>"I guess." You paused, then. Eyes darting away from him only to return back, your ease dissipated before you spoke again, slower than before. <br/>"So we're still... 'Not Friends'?" <br/>Draco wasn't expecting that. <br/>The teasing, yes. You'd become much more willing to give him as good as he gave you, over the weeks - but he hadn't predicted that sudden change of tone. As always, you'd taken him by surprise.<br/>You were becoming restless under his guarded gaze, fidgeting with the tassels of your scarf. <em>Were</em> you friends? Draco, if he was honest, wasn't all that sure. He'd seen your every vulnerable moment, he knew your every worry - he'd been inside your head for fucks sake. He knew you better than you most likely knew yourself, but there was a hesitation in his chest to accept it.  <br/>Because you hadn't actually spoken all that much. Argued, and teased, and dealt with each others shit, yes, but you'd never just sat and talked. Not properly. <br/>He'd felt your loneliness, within your memories, however. It was numbing and recognisable. It tugged at his lingering pity for you. <br/>But, it was also something he'd felt within himself too many times. <br/>Draco Malfoy had associates. Allies, if you will. He had a group of people he surrounded himself with, who understood each other and their social standing. The closest thing he knew to friendship was what he had with Pansy, and perhaps Blaise. <br/>But a friend? A true, genuine, friend? No. He had none of those. <br/>"Do you think we're <em>not</em> 'Not Friends'?" Draco asked you, cautious. You hesitated, but your eyes held a subtle, gentle tone to them when they finally met his. <br/>"I think we're not." You murmured, brow shifting upward, giving you a considerate expression. "Not 'Not Friends', I mean." There was a pause, and then you gave him a soft frown. "This is getting confusing." <br/>A smile tugged at Draco's lips as one did yours. <br/><em>Oh, fucking hell. I must be going bloody soft.</em> <br/>"So, <em>Draco,</em>" You said, seeming to shake off your previous hesitance as you straightened. Grinning, mischievous, you extended your arm to him. "Not 'Not Friends'?"<br/>Draco sighed, heavily. <br/><em>Shit. I really am going soft.</em> <br/>He took your hand, and you shook it with a firm grip as he rolled his eyes at your confidence. <br/>"Not 'Not Friends'." He said. Your eyes twinkled, even as he ripped his hand away from yours and turned back to the barriers. Settling yourself beside him, he could practically feel the waves of pure satisfaction rolling off of you. <br/>"You're acting like a Hufflepuff again." He shot you a quick glare. "Are you sure you weren't sorted into the wrong house?" <br/>"Steady, Draco. We may be not 'Not Friends' now but that doesn't mean I won't try and disintegrate you again."<br/>"I fucking knew it! 'I'm sorry I nearly burnt you' my <em>arse</em>."  <br/>You stood there, talking, shivering, until the morning light spilled over the horizon. <br/>And Draco didn't feel tired once.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, indications of suicidal thoughts and mentions of death</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. the bargain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You never thought you'd ever say it, but you had missed Draco Malfoy. <br/>The last two weeks before Christmas sped by uncomfortably quick. Your last two Occlumency lessons with Draco had gone by uneventful, but within them, you'd got along surprisingly well. The previous rounds of insults thrown back and forth had simmered into a good humoured teasing. In fact, you'd managed to have a few actual conversations with Draco with the hours you spent at the Classroom, between your attempts of Occlumency. <br/>It turned out that Draco was better at Astronomy than you. You made it clear that you were more than irritated about that. But, you'd also learnt, that unlike his father, Draco actually wanted to work after graduating. Behind the facade that was Malfoy, you were beginning to see a whole other person. <br/>By the time Christmas break had arrived, you were particularly worried about him returning home with the state he was already in. Whilst he didn't reveal much about what was actually happening within the walls of Malfoy Manor, you'd already guessed it was... <em>Bad.</em> If his worsening attitude was anything to go by, whatever happened there was not something you even wanted to imagine. <br/>The fear for yourself only occurred to you as you sat on the Hogwarts Express. Staring out the window, surrounded by elated students excited to see their family, you felt out of place. The atmosphere was such a juxtaposition to your mood it was almost ironic. <br/>It did, however, give you a sad sense of comfort that Draco must have felt much the same way. At least you were sat alone, and could wallow in your misery. <br/>The journey back did not offer you the relief you had sworn it would do. <br/>Anxiety itched underneath your skin as you finally arrived back at Hogwarts. Stepping out onto the platform, you instantly swept your surroundings for a tall, platinum blonde, dressed in all black. <br/>It was with a pang of nausea, that you realised he was nowhere to be found.<br/>Thankfully, you'd managed to spot him sitting further up the table with Parkinson and Zabini during the feast. From where you were sat, you couldn't make out any major injury, or harm. <br/>From then, you attempted to put your concern for Draco on the back burner. He was alive, and safe, back at Hogwarts. <br/>For now. <br/>Ignoring the worry, however, only caused you a great deal of reluctance to go to the usual classroom on the first Thursday back. <br/>Throat dry, you stared at the worn wood of the door for a second longer than normal before you finally pushed it open. It was familiar, the feeling of stepping into the room, and it eased you, even if it was the slightest. <br/>Yet, the sight of him already sat on his chosen desk by the window only filled you with a conflict of comfort and trepidation. <br/>"Y/N," Draco drawled, a crooked grin settled into his features. You turned from locking the door wordlessly, keeping your expression plain. "You survived Christmas, then?" <br/><em>Survived is one way to put it.</em> <br/>You offered him a shrug. <br/>"You look better than I expected." Your mutter prompted his previous, somewhat easy expression, to falter. It didn't, however, fall.<br/>"I'll take it as a compliment." <br/>Your next words left you before you could even consider them. <br/>"Well, I didn't mean it as one." <br/><em>Being a bitch, much? What the fuck was that, Y/N?</em> <br/>Because, there was no teasing edge. There was no hidden warmth. Your voice was cold, poised, a voice you hadn't used toward Draco in a long time. <br/>Draco's face fell, this time. Narrowing his eyes, he started to search your figure - but then he was jumping up and towards you with a very, very stern look. Your chest tightened, stumbling away instinctively. <br/>"What's wrong with you?" He demanded, grey eyes piercing as you forced a glare at him. Still tired, you noted. A lot more tired than before Christmas, from how sunken his features were, but not ill. <br/>"Nothing is wrong with me, Malfoy-" Your growl trailed into nothing. You hadn't seriously used his surname since the conversation you'd had at the Astronomy Tower. Draco's eyes flashed, but you just took a breath, attempting to soften your features. <br/>"Draco. I'm fine. You're overreacting." <br/>His jaw tightened, gaze still not shifting away from you. Scrutinising. <br/>"Don't lie to me." His tone was firm, but not hostile. "You look like you're about to drop dead, you have done all week. And now you're not acting like yourself."  <br/>You exhaled through your nose, eyes tired as they settled anywhere that wasn't him. <br/>"I'm tired. Long break." <br/>Burning, you could feel his glare still on you, but he remained silent. <br/>Until, you heard a faint mumble - then, a harsh pressure was grasping at your mind. <br/>Giving yourself no time to panic, you threw it back, turning your wide eyes on him. Draco only stared back, looking just as shocked - or offended - and then there was a second surge. <br/>You held it off with an ease that surprised both you and Draco, noting the annoyance that flitted over his features. His wand dropped from where it was once grasped and directed towards you, scowling. <br/>He had tried to use Legilimency. <br/>"Don't you <em>fucking</em> do that again!" You snapped, heart rate picking up now that the threat was gone, panicking. <br/>"How the fuck did you keep me out?" Draco ignored your outcry, staring at you with a hard expression. Frustration balled in your chest at his dismissal. <br/>"Does it matter? You growled. "You can't just look through my memories whenever you feel like it, Draco!" <br/>"I can when you're acting like a twat," He threw back, meeting your eyes, unwavering. "And won't tell me that something has happened when it <em>obviously</em> has." <br/>"Did it ever occur to you that I don't want you to know everything?" Your voice strained, you swallowed, throat raw. <br/>"Why?" Draco demanded, eyes stormy. "What happened?" <br/>You stared at him. <br/><em>Merlin, I forgot how much of dick he can be.</em> <br/>"Because I'm a person, Draco, and I don't like everyone knowing my own business?" You raised an eyebrow incredulously, head throbbing. You were too tired, too tired for one of Draco's episodes. "How would you feel if I demanded to know everything you got up to?" <br/>Draco's face dropped into a sudden vacancy, the one he would so often wear. <br/>"That's different."<br/>"<em>Different?</em>" You scoffed, only to let out a sigh, placing a hand on your forehead as you attempted to swallow back the rising insults in your throat. "It's really not. You're just too stubborn to admit you're pissed off that I can keep you out now." <br/>Another second of awful, tense silence. You readied yourself for a second attack on your thoughts - but it never came. <br/>"Tell me what happened, or we're not meeting again." <br/>You would have preferred your expectations. <br/>Pulling your hand away from your face, you stared at him, hoping the horror creeping up on you didn't show on your expression.<br/>"That's - that's - <em>what?</em>" <br/>"You just proved to me you can perform Occlumency." Draco's face was as set as his tone, shrugging. "It's not necessary for us to meet anymore." <br/>Your body was a lot colder than before. <br/>It started in your chest, ice spreading jolting your heart to stop, then your stomach as it made a heavy drop. You thought things had changed, you thought that maybe, just <em>maybe</em>, Draco had changed. <br/>But his face was emotionless. <br/>"You-" You couldn't stop your voice from wobbling, and you had to swallow to regain any sense of control over it. "You don't mean that." <br/>"How do you know?" Draco only raised an eyebrow, and you dragged your eyes off of him. You couldn't look at that dead expression anymore. <br/>"Right. So everything that happened before Christmas was all just bullshit, then?" Tears had begun to gather in the back of your throat, voice breaking as you spoke. <br/>"Y/N-" <br/>"No, Draco, it's fine. It's all perfectly fucking <em>fine.</em>" Your control over your emotions was failing. <em>Merlin,</em> you were just so tired, exhausted, and the one person that could offer you any sense of comfort was doing the complete opposite. "You can give up the act now, if you want."<br/>"Stop it." Draco's voice wasn't harsh despite his words, more of a sigh. He took a small step towards you, but you still couldn't look up at him, your mind buzzing. "Can you <em>please</em> just tell me what happened to you over Christmas?" <br/>You couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. The sudden soft edge to his tone, the threat of him leaving, your exhaustion. The crushing weight of your burden.  <br/>But the tears were coming steady, and you spoke with a broken voice. <br/>"I have to take the mark, Draco." <br/>He was silent, but you still didn't look up at him, gradually beginning to shake and cry heavier. <br/>"In exchange for my parents - being broken out -" <br/>Draco was crossing the room and pulling you into a hug before you could even register the fact he had moved. <br/>This time, you didn't even flinch, wrapping your arms around his torso and burying your head deep into his chest. Draco's hand rested over the back of your head, fingers pulling through your hair. Yet, whilst he wasn't speaking, or making any noise at all, it was better than any words of comfort anyone could have offered you.<br/>And, <em>Merlin</em>, had you <em>missed</em> him. <br/>What he had said didn't matter. Not now, with his arms so tight around you, letting you sob into a shirt you were pretty sure was worth more than your entire wardrobe. <br/>You remained there, for a while, standing in his embrace until the sobs died down - but even then, Draco didn't pull back. <br/>"I'm sorry." You mumbled, into the material covering his chest, and his grip tightened a little. <br/>"Don't."  <br/>You fell quiet again, for a moment. <br/>"Lestrange - came on Christmas Eve." You finally began, still muffled. "Made me bargain with her. I take the - the mark. My parents get freed."<br/>Draco shifted, pulling back a little to look down at you, hands remaining on your shoulders. You took a moment to stare up at him, only to note his jaw had clenched again. <br/>"They already had plans to break them out." He muttered, the grey of his eyes stormy. <br/>"Oh, I guessed." Your lips pulled into a bitter smile. "That was more of a... cover up. She had other means of - of - well, persuasion." <br/>You couldn't stop the shudder that ran through you, and you knew Draco felt it too. <br/>His fingers dug in more than before, prompting your heart to squeeze - with anxiety, or adoration, you weren't sure. It took you a second to look at him again, but you eventually found them searching you, frantic. Rage etched itself into his expression, and you found yourself bringing your hands up to rest them either side of his face. His gaze snapped back up, a lot more gentle as they met yours. <br/>"I'm okay." You murmured, but his eyes sunk shut, a deep sigh falling from his lips. <br/>"No, you're not." <br/>A sad smile pulled at your lips - only for the sudden realisation of how close you were to hit you square in the chest. You could trace every little dip and edge of his features, and a breath caught in your throat as your gaze slipped down to his lips. Still dragged down in the slightest, it took a moment for you to recognise the very overwhelming desire to <em>kiss him.</em> <br/>Terrified, you frantically pushed yourself away from him. <br/>Draco's eyes snapped back open at the sudden movement. However, he did not question it as you tugged at your sleeves, cursing yourself. <br/>Those feelings you'd shoved down in your chest. The ones you'd forbidden, the ones that you chose not to describe. <br/>They'd resurfaced so suddenly that it felt as though they were choking you, heart lodged in your throat. <br/>You couldn't deny it anymore - that you were very, and overwhelmingly, smitten. With Draco Malfoy. <br/><em>Draco Malfoy? Draco fucking Malfoy? You have got to be kidding me.</em> <br/>"Why weren't you going to tell me?" <br/>The question managed to retrieve you from your thoughts, and you flicked a look back at him. He was staring at you, rather intently, hands balled in his pockets. <br/>"I-" A faint scowl painted your features, avoiding his eyes again. "Well, I didn't want to make you any more stressed. You're dealing with your own shit." <br/>"That's... oddly considerate." Tone teasing, you flashing him a quick look. <br/>"I <em>do</em> worry about you, Draco." You lingered your eyes on his for a moment, and they flickered at your admission. "Especially when you don't tell me anything."<br/>"Please, don't." His voice hardened, despite the tinge of warmth in the grey of his eyes. "I don't want you involved, and I don't want you to worry about me." <br/>"I know." You said, quickly, hoping the bitter pang of rejection in your chest didn't resonate within your expression. "Just - Please keep showing up to these meetings. Even if you don't teach me Occlumency anymore." <br/>"You know I didn't mean it." Draco's lips tugged down. Meeting your gaze, he swallowed, before speaking again, much more hesitant. "And I don't act. Around you." <br/>You were close to letting out a disbelieving laugh. With that constant deadpan expression, there was no way Draco didn't act around you. But, the way he had spoken, so hushed, but open - it struck a chord within you. <br/>You understood what he was trying to say, really. <br/>It wasn't bullshit. None of it was bullshit.<br/>"How did you manage to get so much better at Occlumency, anyway?" Draco asked, breaking the silence. <br/>You hesitated. <br/>"Lestrange - she was searching for people to blackmail me with." You mumbled, heart jumping as Draco stiffened. "She didn't find you. I managed to keep her away from finding anything with you in it." <br/>Features slipping into an eased position, he nodded, eyes falling away from you. <br/>There was a type of tension that continued to linger, after that. You spent the rest of the session, sat together quietly, avoiding any true deep conversation. Draco didn't bring up Christmas again, and you didn't try to encourage him to speak any further about his own trials. <br/>You found a type of quiet within Draco that you thought didn't exist. It wasn't deafening, and it wasn't overwhelming. Together, you could ignore what was really happening outside of those four walls. One day, you'd have to face it, you knew that. <br/>But, for now, you would enjoy the quiet.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, indications of torture (slight)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. the accusation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>PLEASE CHECK THE END FOR WARNINGS!! ESPECIALLY THIS CHAPTER!<br/>Read safely!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>January and February, after the first meeting of the year, passed by quiet. <br/>Draco's state was getting worse. Every time you'd see him, even when you'd met twice a week, something about him was growing... <em>darker.</em> Sometimes it wasn't just the bags under his eyes, or the sharpness of his cheekbones. Sometimes it was the way his tone never lifted out of the monotonous state he tended to abandon around you. Sometimes it was the way he could hardly hold a conversation, or the anxiety would overwhelm him and you'd have to sit with him tucked into your chest, praying that his breathing would settle soon. <br/>But, somehow, within the misery that hung over the two of you, you also managed to find the friend you had waited so long for. <br/>Draco was funny. Dry, and witty, and <em>frustratingly</em> funny. The things that he'd say as a passing comment could make you double over in laughter. You'd always find his lips shooting up into that wicked grin you'd grown to adore. That smile was something you'd find few and far between, and its rarity only settled it closer to your heart. <br/>He was smart, too - a lot less stupid that he made himself out to be. Draco could easily give Granger a run for her money, if he wanted to. He had a secret passion for Muggle literature. Something, which you found out totally by mistake  - and continued to bring up at any given opportunity just to annoy him. <br/>To your utter shock, Draco also played piano. He'd described an organ, back in Malfoy Manor. His parents would usually enchant to play by itself - but, his mother had still taken it upon herself to teach him how to play it when he was a child. <br/>The insights he offered you into his life were quite frankly fascinating. <br/>It was still odd. The dynamic between you was never quite settled; impermanent. There were little things you found yourself holding onto. Like his smile, or the way he frowned when he listened to you talk, as though he was really focusing on your words.  <br/>Since your realisation at the beginning of the year, your affections for Draco had only grown. Most of the time, you'd manage to ignore it, only swallowing back the flutters in your chest.<br/>Because there was no way you could fancy <em>Draco Malfoy.</em> <br/>There was no way he would ever reciprocate, and there was no way it could ever work between you even if he did. <br/>And, it was nice. Being friends with someone. <br/>You could cope with the darkness he carried. You could cope with pushing away any indication of your developing attachment to him. Having someone to talk to, to even just be around - complicated or not - was a privilege you had never had. <br/>But, as much as you attempted to ignore it, the tension at Hogwarts was also getting a lot worse. <br/>Trying not to think about what would happen when you had to return home at the end of the year was difficult. Even the idea of having that mark on your arm was sickening. You didn't even want to acknowledge the fact that to take it, you would have to expose the mark that already sat on your forearm. Most likely, to the Dark Lord himself. <br/>The glares got worse. The comments got more threatening. <br/>Walking the corridors was not safe for you. Not when your parents had killed so many families of the students around you. It hadn't exactly been before, but now, with that suffocating atmosphere, it had only gotten worse. Keeping a firm grip on your wand at all times was second nature, at this point. <br/>You had been on your way to a meeting with Draco when your fears became too real. <br/>The feeling of someone following you had been tugging at your conscious for most of the day. But then, most people were watching you, anyway, eyes lingering on you in every hall or classroom you passed through. So, you'd only shrugged it off as your paranoia overreacting. <br/>It was still light. With winter beginning to pass, the nights were growing shorter. Weekly trips to the classroom were no longer spent in the dark, much to your appreciation.<br/>Just as you reached the last staircase leading to the third floor, it jumped into action. It swung away from your destination, and you ground your teeth, hanging onto the railings. Again, you only passed your mistake off as a busy mind - until you glanced behind you.<br/>The previous staircase had also moved. <br/>A distinct dread began to poison your gut. With the piece of staircase behind you gone, your only choice was to progress onto wherever this one would take you. <br/>You swallowed, staring up as the stairs docked. It lead onto a one-way corridor, a piece of the castle that was rarely used, and a quiver running over your hand as you wrapped your fingers around your wand. Slipping it from your back pocket, you finally shifted. <br/>Someone wanted you in that corridor. Someone wanted you cornered. <br/>The second you stepped off of the stairs, it jolted away from you, only confirming your assumption. Stranded in the corridor, the lack of windows cast an eerie shadow down its length. There was only two classrooms coming off the sides, and one at the end - most likely locked, with a spell more powerful than <em>'alohamora'</em> would fix. <br/>Edging forwards, you flung your eyes around you. Your heart was thudding dangerously in your chest - it was currently dinner. No one would be around to help if something happened, assuming anyone would help you. Draco was unlikely to come searching for you if you turned up late, waiting on the opposite side of the moving staircases. <br/>You only hoped you could reach the stairs before something bad could happen to you.<br/>Pausing, your eyes met the end doorway. It was ajar. You pressed yourself against the wall as you shifted closer - the opening only offered to show you a slice of darkness within. Someone could be, however, waiting for you inside. Hoping your curiosity would get the better of you. Preparing to jump you. <br/>Setting your wand upright and poised, you lifted your hand, before shoving the door open. <br/>Only, before you could get a glimpse inside, it had slammed shut in your face. <br/>You stumbled back a couple steps, true panic setting in. <br/>"Was it you?" <br/>A voice came from behind you. <br/>You'd walked straight into a trap. <br/>Taking in a shuddering breath, you spun to face the voice. A flicker of your brow, and you stared at the figure blocking the end of the corridor. <br/>"Potter?" <br/>He had emerged from one of the classrooms either side of you, wand clenched in his fist and eyes hard. <br/><em>Stupid, you're so stupid, you should have checked.</em> <br/>"Was it you, Y/N?" Harry repeated, watching you with an unpredictable atmosphere to him. "Did you curse the necklace?"<br/>It took a second for any words to form on your lips. Your mind was going to into overdrive. Harry would not hurt you intentionally, you knew that much - he wasn't that type of person. But what he could do <em>unintentionally...</em> <br/>"I don't know what you're talking about." You said. Attempting to appeal to whatever friendship you'd had last year, you kept your voice as clear and honest as you could. <br/>Harry, however, did not shift. <br/>"It was you, or Malfoy." His voice lilted with questioning, and your jaw tightened. You had to remind yourself to keep breathing, act natural, even at the mention of Draco. <br/><em>Shit, what the fuck has Draco been doing? I know it's bad - it's the Dark Lord - but Merlin, if Harry is involved...</em><br/>"I said," You forced an eyebrow up at Harry in emphasis. "I don't know what you're talking about." Voice gruff, relief flooded through you. You'd managed to keep your composition. There was a million scenarios involving Draco running through your mind, and you bit back a shudder. <br/>"Then prove you're not one of them." <br/><em>Shit.</em> <br/>Harry had gestured to your arm with his wand. You grew rigid in terror, a shaking whisper falling from your lips before you could swallow it back. <br/>"What?" <br/>"Show me your arm, and prove to me you're not a Deatheater." Harry said, voice a lot more forceful than before. <br/><em>No, no. No, this can't be happening - he wouldn't - he can't -</em><br/>"I don't have to prove anything to you, Potter." You spat - but there was no denying the quiver in your words. Sickness curling in the pit of your stomach, you clutched your wand, scrutinising Harry's every little movement. <br/>He shifted. <br/>It was so, so slight. Maybe he was moving towards you, maybe he was only adjusting his stance. <br/>It didn't matter, because before you could think, you raised your wand and shouted the first thing that came to mind. <br/><em>"Stupify-"<br/>"Expelliarmus!"</em> <br/>You could only watch in utter horror as your wand flew through the air and clattered to the ground. <br/>All the way at the other end of the corridor. Behind Harry. <br/><em>No, no, no-</em><br/>You couldn't move. Frozen. <br/>It was as though you were in that cupboard again. Crushed against the wall, watching as two boys enchanted a blade and laughed at the way you choked for breath. <br/><em>"It's okay, Deatheater. You're going to get your mark soon."</em><br/>Harry was moving towards you now. You stumbled, falling back against the door, hands coming to press down on the handle. <br/>Locked. No escape. <br/>Breathing frantic, you could only stare at Harry with wide, angry eyes. You didn't speak as he grabbed your left arm, pulling it out in front of you. <br/>No, you didn't even struggle. <br/>You were still in that <em>fucking</em> broom cupboard. <br/>Harry's fingers burnt horribly against your skin, pushing up your sleeve. His eyes lingered on you as he did so, long enough to make your skin crawl. Then, he looked down. <br/>It burnt. Burnt, as though Harry had struck a match and put it to your flesh. <br/>He came to stare at you again, falling a few strides away from you as you snatched your arm back to your chest. You wanted to shout - no, scream at him, but you could do nothing but hold in the gasps of pain. <br/>Harry hadn't seen the blood. He hadn't seen the way the cuts had began to tear open, slowly. Excruciatingly. <br/>"Get the <em>fuck</em> away from me." It was hardly a whisper - more some inhuman, animalistic snarl. It was all you could manage. The flames were growing hotter and hotter and you'd forgotten how to breath. <br/><em>My wand. I need my wand.</em> <br/>"Y/N - I'm so sorry - I-"<br/>"Go!" <br/>Something in Harry managed to click, seeing your contorted expression. With one last, horrified look, he turned and rushed away, the stairs swinging back to greet him as he did. <br/>The second he was out of sight, you let out a shuddering breath, daring a glance down to the state of your arm. Blood was already spilling down your fingers. It seeped into the fabric of your shirt, like the sea lapping at the shore - but bloodier, and a lot more sickening. <br/><em>"How does it feel to bleed, Deatheater? I bet you're fucking enjoying it, you sicko, just like your parents did."</em> <br/>An involuntary whimper escaped you, unable to contain it with your mind so hazy from panic and pain. Agony was lacing its way up your arm and through your entire body, and you had to remind yourself - your <em>wand. <br/>I need my wand.</em> <br/>Staggering forward, you focused your gaze on your wand at the end of the corridor. Blood was spilling steadily onto floor, staining your shirt, but you refused to acknowledge it. Groans escaped your throat, scalding pain cutting deeper and deeper into your skin. Feeling the liquid thick on your hands, you, almost instinctively, gave it another look. <br/>Your entire sleeve was coated in red. <br/>An overwhelming nausea hit your gut. Falling against the wall, you desperately attempted to get your breath, but it only came in short pants. You'd barely made it halfway down the corridor. Harry had taken to long to leave, given the cuts too much time to reopen before the worst kicked in. <br/>Last time, with Draco, the reaction had been quick and easy. This time, you were alone, and wandless. <br/>Head spinning, you attempted to choke down a deep breath, and pushed forward. Everything was starting to blur a little, your head a spinning mess of thoughts. You couldn't focus. <br/>Tired. You felt so <em>tired.</em> <br/>You were close. You were so close to grabbing your wand, hands slick with blood as you stretched out your arm, shaking. <br/>Another step - a stumble. <br/>Your entire body crashed to floor. <br/>There was a terrible, harsh blow to the side of your head. Your ears filled with a high buzzing, sight wavering as you stared from your wand only inches away from you, to your left arm. <br/>Ten letters, red and clear. <br/>Tears rolled down your cheeks, but you didn't recognise them. It hurt, it hurt so bad, you couldn't think, couldn't breath. <br/>It was all a blur, really. A blur of torments and whisper. A blur of blade against skin. <br/><em>"Deatheater."</em><br/>"Y/N? Y/N-"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, strong depictions of ptsd/reliving bad memories, GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF DEEP CUTS AND BLEEDING</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. the classroom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warnings at the end :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything was... hazy. <br/>It was an odd feeling of pure serenity. Breathing in, breathing out. Draco's cologne - that was the only thing you could make out. It was so distinctive, so particular, and it only made you feel even more relaxed.   <br/>Then, you felt it. The dull throbbing in your head, and the ache of your muscles.<br/>Awake. You were awake. <br/>Your eyelids felt heavy, and you allowed them to stay shut for a moment. The way your thoughts shifted around in your head was foggy as you attempted to figure out where you were, or what had happened. Exerting yourself into your memories, however, only proved painful. <br/><em>Draco - I was going to meet Draco.</em> <br/>After a second longer of attempting to decipher your surroundings you gave up, flicking your eyes open.<br/>The classroom. <br/>Opening your eyes had only added to the pain, but you stopped yourself from letting them sink shut. The edges of your vision was still a little blurred, but you could make out in general the desks surrounding you. <br/>You'd been settled at the window ledge. It was your usual position, now that you and Draco had stopped using the room as a place to practice Legilimency as much, and more as a hangout. The ledge was wide, large enough to fit the both of you, and though the windows were stained, it gave you a small, one way view of the grounds through a crack in the glass.<br/>Blinking, feeling within your body had gradually began to return to you, allowing you to recognise someone else's touch on yours. There was a cool, pale hand, resting atop of yours.<br/>You blinked again. The buzzing within your ears was more or less gone, and you finally came to search the figure slouched in front of you. <br/>Draco.<br/>He sat, head drooping - falling asleep, by the looks of it. The last of the light of day bounced off of him, almost making him glow, hair messy and eyes twitching, but closed. <br/>Any murmur of returning panic in your chest dissipated at the sight of him. Your first instinct was to squeeze his hand - let him know you'd woken up - but you froze. <br/>Up until now, it hadn't occurred to you why you had woken up in the classroom, in the middle of the evening. Or, perhaps, you'd ignored it, not wanting to recall any of what had happened in the corridor. <br/>But now, watching Draco drift into a light sleep, the memories had hit you square in the chest. <br/>A jolt of panic shot through you, despite your safe surroundings, and you glared down at your left arm. Shirt sleeve fastened, no sign of blood. In fact, the only sign of anything wrong with you was the now much more distant pain in your head. <br/>You came to glance at Draco, again. His hand twitched on yours, and almost instinctively, you wrapped your fingers around it. <br/>Draco blinked. His head snapped up. <br/>The grey of his eyes were misty with sleep, for a moment, before it cleared at the sight of you. Any peace that once settled between you, was about to be broken. <br/>"Y/N-" <br/>Draco surged forward, arms coming to wrap around you before you could even utter a greeting.  <br/><em>"Draco-"</em> His name left you in the form of a half wheeze, half grimace, bones still heavy as he squeezed you tight. Your heart leapt into overdrive at his touch, freezing, body still on the defensive with recent memories lingering in your head. <br/>Draco seemed to notice your pause however, withdrawing - his hands, however, lingered at your shoulders, eyes searching your expression. <br/>"How do you feel?" <br/>You only stared at him for a second, swallowing. It was painful, really, the way that Draco's touch would usually be so comforting. Any other day, you would have found it hilarious how <em>stone cold</em> Draco Malfoy had practically thrown himself at you.<br/>Now, though, it only prompted the return of that stabbing panic. <br/>"I - er-" You continued staring at him, until a flicker of realisation flashed across his features. Snatching his hands away from you, you let out a short breath, forcing your lips to twitch upward. <br/>"Sorry." You mumbled, gaze flickering from Draco to your lap. <br/>"Don't be stupid." Draco said, firm. His jaw clenched in the slightest, eyes not shifting from yours once. "I should know better." <br/>The words hit your gut uncomfortably. Another reminder to you that you hadn't been the only one to grow to expect pain, even from those you trusted. <br/>Heart squeezing, you fixed him with a softer look. <br/>"I feel alright." You spoke, quick to change the subject as you tugged at your sleeve. "Bit of a headache, that's all." <br/>Draco's brow drew in a little, but he didn't speak, continuing to watch you with a careful glint in his eye. <br/>"You lost a lot of blood." Voice strained, he grimaced. "Are you sure?" <br/>"Yes, Draco." Your lips pulled up again. "Madam Pomfrey knows the spell well, by now. I just needed time to... re-cooperate."<br/>His eyes flashed, and you paused. <br/>"You <em>did</em> take me to the hospital wing, right?" You asked, then, slowly. Draco remained silent, and you faltered, a sense of concern flooding over you. "Draco, what happened?" <br/>"No." He stated, almost before you could finish speaking, fixing you with a glare. "I need you to tell me what happened first, before I go mental." <br/>Another flash of anxiety flooded through you, chest freezing up at the memories. Potter's expression in your mind was a little blurred - but stained red, painful and red. <br/>"I-" Your voice stumbled. Draco's hand twitched in his lap, and you nearly reached out to take it into yours. "I don't think you want to know." <br/>His gaze became a little softer, yet a little harder, all at once. <br/>"Trust me. I want to know." <br/>Eyes falling away from him, you remained silent. Fear sat, lodged in your rib cage, making it hard to breathe again. Being on your own for so long, you'd gotten used to things happening and being able to move on from them quick enough for you not to have to process them. You'd gotten used to no-one really caring. <br/>With the way he looked at you, though, you knew now. You knew now that someone did.  <br/>You must have hesitated too long, as Draco was quick to speak again. <br/>"Did someone see your arm?" <br/>Growing rigid, your jaw clenched. Still, you offered him a quick nod, unable to look at him and his intense eyes. <br/>"Who?" <br/>Still not meeting his gaze, you became only more reluctant to explain anything. Knowing Draco - and especially his hatred for the person in question - he would only get angry. And, right now, you did not want to have to deal with angry. <br/>"Y/N." There was a slight warning in Draco's tone this time, and you finally shot a look in his direction. Grey eyes a shade darker, there was already a spark of despise gathering within them, and your throat felt rough as you spoke. <br/>"Potter." <br/>It didn't take seconds before you could tell - Draco was <em>livid.</em> <br/>His hands curled into tight, white balls, jaw clenched. Swallowing, he dragged his eyes off of you altogether, and your heart throbbed with anxiety. <br/>"Don't get mad." You whispered, your shaky breath unexpected - but it caused Draco's eyes to flicker back to you instantly. "Not right now. Please." <br/>Something in his features tightened even further - attempting to hold back a barrage of rage, no doubt - but then he let out a short breath, remaining seated. You began to attempt an explanation before he could do anything stupid. <br/>"He wanted me to prove I wasn't - I wasn't- that I don't have a mark." <br/>"And he left you there?" Draco's voice was forced, anger barely restrained within his tone. Worry rising within you,  you shook your head, panicked. <br/>"He didn't see me bleeding. He didn't know." You sounded almost desperate, pleading. "He'd disarmed me so I couldn't - I couldn't get my wand and then I -" <br/>A shaking gasp escaped you, eyes pricking with hot tears that you didn't even feel tickling the back of your throat. Draco stilled, staring at you with that twitching hand again. But, you only swallowed, blinking back the tears before he could spot them. <br/>He must have already, though, because he was practically vibrating with rage beside you, so much that you didn't care about your own terror. Your hand shot out, grasping his shaking hand in yours. <br/>"Draco. I'm alright." <br/><em>"Alright?"</em> Draco hissed, unable to even attempt to hide his anger this time. "I found you in a pool of your own fucking blood, Y/N!"<br/>You flinched. Draco softened at the shift in your demeanour, falling silent for a brief moment. Swallowing, he relaxed himself a little, shoulders slumping back down a little - only for them to tense again.<br/>"You were bleeding still, so I used the spell-"<br/>"You <em>what?"</em><br/>"I used the spell, to stop it, but you weren't waking up-"<br/>"No, Draco, slow down." You stared up at him, heart practically stumbling into cardiac arrest at this point. "You used <em>the</em> spell?" <br/>His lips dug down into a frown. <br/>"That's what I just said, isn't it?" An eyebrow flicked up, in a habitual manner. <br/><em>He remembered my spell? And he got in right first try? That's - that's-</em><br/>Your mind was going way too quick for you to comprehend. It felt as though everything around you had frozen, everything except for him. <br/>But then, Draco continued. <br/>"Anyway, you didn't wake up, so I brought you here. Before anyone could see." <br/>Still staring at him, he looked back, scowling. You had his hand tight in yours, heart going at a rate that couldn't be healthy after passing out for so long. It was taking everything, <em>everything,</em> in you not to grab him by that loosened tie around his neck and kiss that stupid look off of his face. <br/>"You idiot." <br/><em>What?</em> <br/>"What?" <br/>Draco had arched an eyebrow again. Of all the things that crossed your mind, those were the words you'd managed to choose?<br/>"You - you used my spell? The one you've heard me say, like, twice?" The words stumbled out of your mouth, messy and drenched with disbelief. "And then you carried me here?" <br/>Draco still looked as equally as confused as you. <br/>"Well, yeah." Another frown. "I don't see how that makes me an idiot." <br/>"It's crazy, Draco!" You exclaimed, eyes wide. "You're bloody crazy!" <br/>"I don't follow." He narrowed his eyes. "Are you getting mad because I saved your life?" <br/><em>"No-"</em> You gasped out, heart pounding. "No, I just - why would you do that?" <br/>"What was I supposed to have done, Y/N?" Draco growled, an incredulous look spreading across his face. "Leave you to bleed out?" <br/>Draco Malfoy never ceased to amaze you. <br/>You fell silent, staring at each other. His hand was still wrapped in yours, and your heart was still racing. Because, he had came and looked for you when you hadn't shown up. Because he remembered a spell that you'd barely even spoken about, and stayed with you for however long you had been unconscious for, and he didn't have to. He easily could have just gotten someone to take you to the hospital wing - he easily could have never given a second thought about why you'd never turned up for your meeting. <br/>Because, the light was still making him look <em>too fucking beautiful</em>, with his sharp features and sweeping statements and Merlin, you were totally, and utterly fucked when it came to him. <br/>Before you could stop yourself, you grasped at the back of Draco's neck, pulled him in, and kissed him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, mild descriptions of pain, mentions of trauma from the previous chapter</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. the window ledge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i am so sorry for the delayed update!! thank you so much for the support everyone, it really does mean the world to me. i took a little mental health break but i am back and ready haha. there should be around another seven chapters left.. i hope yall are ready okay now lets go!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You couldn't breathe. <br/>Not that you cared, with the way Draco's lips fit so well against yours. They remained for only a moment, dragging so carefully across yours that your heart stopped, dead. <br/>And then you'd fallen back, hand pulling away from his skin and hovering in the air as you stared at him. A confusing mix of lingering delight and terror swirled in the pit of your stomach, breath catching in the back of your throat. <br/><em>Oh shit. Did I actually just do that? Did I just kiss Draco bloody Malfoy?</em> <br/>You were waiting for him to jump up and leave, body flashing cold. <br/>Yet, Draco hadn't moved. <br/>He'd had to lean in a little with the force of your grasp. and he'd now frozen in place. Despite the glaze of shock, however, his eyes were stormy and dark, fixed on you, unwavering. Finally, you allowed the smallest breath of air to escape you. <br/>"I shouldn't have done that." You whispered, shaky. Draco's lips twitched, so slight, yet your gaze followed the movement exactly. <br/>"No." The single word prompted a more enforced, agonising stab at your chest. Though, a fire still managed to spark within your gut, with the way his voice had dropped an octave lower. It was dark, captivating, even within your own dismay. <br/>Draco was capable of making you feel everything at once, and it was addictive. <br/>Yet, as you prepared yourself for him to finally leave - he gave another, low mutter. <br/><em>"No,</em> you fucking shouldn't have." <br/>And then his hand snapped to your jaw, and dragged you back towards him. <br/>With no hesitation, you met him halfway, hand dropping back into place at the back of his neck. Every single thought and every slight movement became dedicated to Draco. The way his lips moved, hungry and passionate, yet so careful, the edge of peppermint on his breath. He shifted with ease from where he once positioned himself on the edge of the window sill so his body shadowed yours. Spare hand set on the wall beside your head to prop himself up, his fingers brushed over your hip. His touch ignited your skin delightfully, teeth dragging across yours in the slightest. <br/>It was very clear that Draco had done this before - and it was most likely obvious your hadn't. Every tiny movement earned him small, involuntary gasps, and each time Draco would deepen the kiss as it left you. Your arms wrapped around him, desperate to drag him closer. <br/>Yet, as your neck strained back a little more to meet him, a jolt of pain shot through the back of your head. A yelp came before you could pull away, and you winced as he shot back to stare at you with wide eyes. <br/><em>"Shit</em> - what's wrong?" Tone panicked, but still breathy, Draco set his hands on each shoulder. "Are you okay?" <br/>"Yeah - no - <em>Draco,</em> I'm fine." His eyes were frantic as it searched you for any form of injury, and you cupped his face to tilt it back to you. Lips flickering into a gentle smile, you met his gaze. "I'm alright. Just a little pain in my head, that's all." <br/>Heart rate picking up at the sight of his swollen lips, they straightened, a flash of guilt shooting over his features. <br/>"Sorry, I shouldn't have been so-"<br/>"I said I am <em>fine,</em> Draco." You interrupted him, an amused glint twinkling in your eye. <br/>"Well, excuse me for caring about your well-being." Draco grunted, hands pulling back from your shoulders. He readjusted himself on the ledge, crossing his arms across his chest - withdrawing. Before you could come to worry, however, he shot you a glance, brimming with a good humour. Scanning his features, you allowed yourself to smile, a full feeling settling in your chest. <br/>There was a small silence, then.  <br/>Your eyes didn't shift from him once, and eventually, you spoke. <br/>"Are we..." You hesitated, even as you began, instinctively fiddling with your sleeve. Head shooting up, Draco's brown tightened at your sudden change of atmosphere. "Are we going to talk about that?" <br/>His features stilled. Anxiety filtered back to you, a pang of nausea hitting your stomach as he did. <br/>"No." Draco finally said, tone firm. Something in his eyes was dark, but not in the greedy manner it had been earlier, and you tried to ignore the regret that crept up on you. <br/>"I think we should." You tried, voice soft, glad you could keep any indication of your concern hidden. Still, the corners of his mouth only pulled into a subtle frown, his entire attitude unsettled. <br/>Because he wasn't acting angry, or cold. He wasn't withdrawing into himself, like he tended to do whenever you dared bring up feelings. Yet, he was still acting on edge, as though he was nervous. <br/>Conflicted. <br/>"Not now." Draco shook his head to emphasise his point. He was searching your expression with an unexpected earnest. "You need to rest more, and I don't want to have to argue with you tonight. It's been eventful enough already." <br/>It was your turn to scowl. Nails squeezing into the palms of your hands to release the tension, you avoided his eyes. <br/>"Why are we going to argue?" <br/>"I said, not now." Set, Draco only fixed you with a glare - but it softened a little at your pained expression. He let out a sigh, hand creeping to yours to uncurl it as he did so. <br/>Something in that mix of stubbornness and softness overcame you. With a slight shake of the head, you murmured a reply. <br/>"Fine." <br/>Mouth quirking up, almost in a thankful manner, you captured his expression before it fell. His fingers withdrew from yours, and your chest shifted desperately at the loss of contact. <br/>"Come on." Draco sighed, again. "Let me walk you back to the dorms." <br/>The room had gone mostly dark. It was definitely past curfew, most likely late into the night at this point. Although, you had no idea how long you had passed out for in the first place. Worry shifted back into your chest, shooting Draco a glimpse. <br/>"I-" Another hesitation. Draco arched an eyebrow up with his usual dead expression. "Could we stay here? For the night?" <br/>Draco stilled again. Jolting back into panic, for another time too many that night, you began to fall into a rant. <br/>"I just mean, after everything I don't want to be on my own and it's - it would be nice to have someone to be with-" <br/>"If we're staying here, at least give me a bit more room so I can actually sit down properly." He spoke, ignoring your rushed explanation. You gaped at him for a moment, mind going blank. Until, he shifted his eyebrow up again, watching you expectantly.<br/>"<em>Oh-</em>" You tried to bite back the heat in your cheeks at your delay. Shuffling yourself further into the corner, Draco was quick to place himself next to you, swinging his legs onto the ledge with an exhale of relief.  <br/>You were close, again. Very close. Usually, Draco would sit at the other end of the ledge, like he had been before. And whilst you'd been close a number of times now, lingering tension caused you to freeze up. <br/>It must have been obvious, though, as Draco turned his head to throw you a disbelieving glare. He spoke with a scoff.<br/>"Merlin, you're getting shy <em>now?<em>"<br/>"You're the one that made it bloody awkward, you arse." Shooting back a reply, you refused to look at him, but still sent a glare in his direction as you folded your arms. You could almost feel the roll of his eyes, but then he had slung his arm around you. Tugging you into the crook of your elbow, you fell into him. Heart jumping, you managed to push the tension anyway and soon relaxed into him. <br/>Draco rested his chin on your head, as always. Melting into him was easier than breathing. <br/>It was surprising how you'd become so comfortable wrapped in his arms. <br/>"Draco?" You mumbled, after a moment, voice muffled by his shirt. He replied with a simple hum, chest rumbling under your head. Thumb sweeping over your shoulder, a small shiver ran down your spine, and you allowed your eyes to sink shut. "Thank you." <br/>His breathing paused - prompting your heart to follow suit. <br/>The gap between your words and his reply stretched out so long that you expected him to say something unexpected. <br/>But, then, he pulled you in the tiniest bit tighter, and you felt the faint brush of his lips over the crown of your head. <br/>Your entire body squeezed with adoration. It was the only reply you needed. <br/>Body heavy, fatigue hit you very abruptly, and you let silence consume you. <br/>Silence, all except the dull throb of his beating heart. <br/>You'd stay there, folded into his chest, forever, if he asked.</em></em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, descriptions of kissing but nothing really nsfw, angst if you squint</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. the promise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It so happened that that night would be the last time you would see Draco Malfoy for two weeks. <br/>You'd woken to the sound of the door clicking shut - the blinding sun in your eyes, and the lack of a warm body next to yours. <br/>You poured over that night in your mind for hours. It wasn't as though he'd pushed you away - he had signalled nothing wrong with the fact that you had kissed him. No, in fact, he had <em>kissed you back.</em><br/>He hadn't been in any of your lessons you usually had together. At first, you put it down to him being ill, or maybe his sleep deprivation had finally caught up with him. Then, he hadn't shown up to your usual meeting at the classroom. <br/>Beginning to worry that something had happened, you'd forced yourself to go the Great Hall. Something regarding the mark on his arm, perhaps, or even to do with what Potter had mentioned. But, Draco had been there, alive, sitting at the Slytherin table next to Pansy Parkinson. <br/>It didn't take you till the next missed meeting to understand that Draco was avoiding you. <br/>And it <em>hurt</em>. It hurt so much worse than you ever could have imagined. <br/>You were supposed to be friends. Even if friends didn't think about each other every second of the day - even if friends didn't kiss and then refuse to acknowledge it. <br/>Draco was, still, the only person you had. You didn't want to lose him to your own stupid mistake. <br/>His ignorance continued for a couple more days - until you got called out of Transfiguration by Snape. <br/>All eyes followed you as you hesitated to stand, staring at him with a dull knowing settled in your chest. Nausea swam in the pit of your stomach as you collected your things and left. You tried to ignore a certain grey gaze that only moments ago you would have adored to know were following you, burning holes into your back. <br/>The dull knowing was all too correct, and the pain was suffocating. <br/>"Are you sure you don't want someone to accompany you back to the Slytherin dorms, Miss Y/L/N?" The crease in Dumbledore's brow deepened. Edging away from him, you tugged at your sleeve with a harsh force. <br/>"Yes." The word came, sharp, from your mouth. Covering the name that was blaring in your mind, you supposed, but you cleared your throat to adjust your tone. "Yes, I'm fine, Professor. Thank you." <br/>Dumbledore watched you for a second longer, and then offered you a slow nod. Legs shifting quicker than your mind, you shot out of the office before he could speak again. <br/>It didn't take you ten strides away from the Headmasters office before you were interrupted. A hand wrapped around your arm, dragging you towards an empty classroom - but the jump of your heart was short lived. <br/>You'd almost anticipated it, grinding your teeth as the door swung and locked behind you. Yanking your arm back, you glared at the figure facing you. <br/>Draco stared back with a very serious expression. Features fixed and gloomy, you pushed away the guilty sense of elation at the sight of him. <br/>"What the <em>fuck</em> was that about?" He growled, not even missing a beat. <br/>And <em>Merlin</em>, could you explode with the amount of emotions coursing through you. Terror. Rage. Desperation. Longing. <br/>"Nice to see you too." Voice seething, you clenched your jaw, wrapping your arms around yourself. Uncharacteristic, panicked anger glinted in the greys of his eyes. <br/>"Merlin, Y/N, don't make this personal." It came with a play of a sneer on his lips, and whatever ounce of happiness you held that he was talking to you dissipated. A small scoff of disbelief left you before you could hide it, disguising the stab of hurt that hit you square in the chest. "You need to tell me what happened. Everything." <br/>"I don't need to tell you fuck all, <em>Draco Malfoy.</em>" Your tone raised, praying that the lump in your throat wasn't evident in the roughness of your voice. His face remained so hard, so steely. <br/>It felt like you'd gone back to square one. <br/>"Fucking hell." The words came as a frustrated groan, rumbling in the back of his throat. A hand resting on his hip, the other ran through his hair as he steadied his expression. "Can you, for once in your bloody life, not make things complicated?" <br/>Draco's eyes were hot and angry and anxious on yours. In any other circumstance, in fact, it would have been concerning. <br/>But something in you snapped. Maybe the way he'd spoken, like everything was your fault. Maybe the standoffish position his body fallen into. <br/>"Fuck you!" Tears were undoubtedly welling in your eyes, even as you yelled. "Where have you been, Draco? Two weeks of you avoiding me like the bloody plague - after saying we'd <em>talk</em> about things - and then you storm back into my life, demanding I tell you everything - and then you call <em>me</em> complicated?"<br/>A ragged breath pushed past your lips as you stared at him, looking bedraggled and most likely a little crazy. You'd taken a step towards him as you shouted, and Draco's expression had withdrawn. Another second of tense silence. <br/>"You want to know what happened?" You raised an eyebrow harshly. "My parents are out."<br/>Draco froze. <br/>"Shit - Y/N -"<br/>"Don't you dare pretend you care." Another low, painful growl. Draco stared at you, thrown off by your outburst. "This is it, now, for me. I'm fucked - I am so fucked - and you just left for me for two <em>weeks-</em>" <br/>And then, you broke into a sob. <br/>Draco shot forward, but you stumbled away. Something flicked across his features, swallowed by his vacancy before you could label it. <br/>You didn't care, though. Because he'd moved forward again, cupped your cheek, and pressed his lips against yours. <br/>Hands curling into fists, your nails dug into your palms - only to drop them round his shoulders. It felt as though your chest was being crushed inwards with emotion as Draco shifted his jaw to meet yours. <br/>It only lasted a moment. You pushed him away again, hands still lingering at his shoulders. Taking in a long breath, you refused to look at him, heart throbbing in your chest. <br/>"Don't do that again." You mumbled, finally dropping your hands. Draco hesitated, eyes boring into you as his hands twitched at his side. <br/>"Why?" <br/>Faltering, you couldn't help but send him a glance. Whatever you were expecting him to say - it wasn't that. A determined look had spread across his features, and you clenched your jaw a little tighter. <br/>"Why do you think?" Your words came rough again. "Last time that happened you dropped off the face of the earth for two weeks." <br/>A sour twinge flicked across his expression. Grey eyes glittering, he searched you, but you only balled your hands, arms tight across your waist. <br/>"I've been busy." His voice was cold. Again. A scoff came from the last of your anger, still lingering in your chest. <br/>"Well, thanks, Draco. Glad to know how much I mean to you." Muttering, you shifted back - as though to leave. <br/>"Fuck, Y/N-" Grabbing your arm, you froze to the spot, gaze flying back to him. Draco stared back with a murmur desperation, the uncertainty in his eyes unnerving. "Can we talk? Somewhere else." <br/>You hesitated. <br/>Because you were still mortified, and pissed off - and now confused. Because knowing your parents were walking the streets was making you feel sick. Really, you just wanted to curl up and pretend you didn't exist. <br/>Draco, however, had never looked so on edge. So nervous. <br/>And, admittedly, you needed to hear what he had to say. <br/>Sighing, you let out a defeated reply. <br/>"Fine."<br/>It didn't take you long to get to the usual classroom. <br/>You avoided Draco's eyes as he opened the door and gestured you to go in first, locking it behind him. The school day had almost finished, sunlight filling the room, giving it an air of exposure. <br/>Everything felt so different to the last moments you'd spent there together that your chest clenched up. <br/>Hesitating in the middle of the room, you waited for him to face you before you spoke. <br/>"Go on, then." <br/>Draco scowled, still reluctant. <br/>"I need you to understand." Finally, he spoke, eyeing you up as he did. You waited for him to elaborate, but there was only silence, and your lips fell into a frown. <br/>"Understand? Which part? You acting like an emotional yo-yo or the fact you vanished for two weeks straight?" <br/>"Remember what I said about us arguing?" Draco growled, expression hard. "Look, I thought you'd understand why we haven't been talking." <br/>"Well, Draco, I didn't." You bit back another lingering comment, keeping your raising heartbeat quiet in your chest. "And I still don't." <br/>"I-" He paused, for a second, fingers running through his hair again. "I can't make any promises to you." <br/>Draco's eyes were desperate, again. Begging you to understand what the hell he was trying to make out with his vague language and unstable attitude. <br/>You wished you could. <br/>It took a second for you to reply. <br/>"Draco..." Sighing, your gaze darted away from him as nervousness overtook you. "If you don't - don't feel that way about me then that's fine-"<br/>"<em>What?</em>"<br/>"What?" You echoed him. Draco, looking almost comedically dumbstruck, stared at you. <br/>"You think I don't feel for you?" It came as a bitter chuckle, shaking his head as he shifted towards you again. Glancing away, you turned a little, pushing him away before he could even touch you. His features flashed. "Why the fuck would you think that?"<br/>"I don't know what else I was supposed to think." You muttered. <br/>"Y/N," Draco sighed, lifting his hands to your shoulders. The movement was careful, so that you didn't shift away from him again, and they settled when you allowed him to. "I didn't do it because I wanted to."<br/>You remained silent, scanning his eyes with a tight chest. They searched yours equally, and when you didn't reply, he spoke again. <br/>"I did it because I can't help you." <br/>You blinked. <br/>"What are you talking about?" Words only a breath, you nearly missed then, the noise of your heart pounding too loud. <br/>"I'm a Deatheater." Draco's brow furrowed a little, as though he was pointing out the obvious. "You even associating with me would make everything worse. With your parents, with the mark. I would make it inescapable." He paused. "I can't promise I can keep you safe." <br/>A flush of emotion hit you as he finished, scalding, yet freezing, all at the same time. <br/>You quite possibly adored him. <br/>A shuddering breath passed by your lips. Etching his features into memory, you finally allowed yourself to feel the comfort Draco always offered you. You embraced his presence like an old friend. <br/>"I don't care about any of that." Mumbling, your hands slipped up to clutch onto his forearms. His expression had remained mostly clear, something that rarely happened. "I always knew things would turn out this way - with my parents. I never had a choice in that." You paused. "But I do have a choice with you, and I'm choosing you."<br/>The grey of Draco's eyes darkened in the slightest, fingertips digging into your shoulders a little more. It was hard to keep your voice steady as you continued, heart clenched. <br/>"So let me." <br/>There was that awful conflict glinting in his gaze again. Painful, and recognisable, and foreboding. <br/>It remained for a second, and then it was gone again, and you allowed yourself to ignore it had ever been there in the first place. <br/>"No promises?" <br/>It was selfish of him, really. Denouncing any mistakes before he could even make them.<br/>You didn't care. You only let out another, terrified exhale. <br/>"No promises." <br/>And then, Draco kissed you for the third time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, angst</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. the scar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>reminder that warnings are at the end of the chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The weeks after were... nice. <br/>Being with Draco was surprisingly easy. He was comfortable company - more than comfortable. You spent most of your hours sat in the classroom, on the window ledge. It was the best few weeks you'd ever had in your life, by far. Sometimes, you would stray further - whenever you managed to convince Draco, that was. Visits to the Astronomy Tower and the lake were rare, but you adored them regardless. Those memories, the ones of him bathed in sunlight or dusk, would stay etched into mind for a long time after. <br/>You would read together, on occasions. In the depths of the library, you had discovered some of the Muggle literature he liked to drone on about. Other times, you would just talk - about everything, or nothing. You would, however, always spend a lot more time than necessary wrapped in his presence. Kissing Draco was both the easiest and most complicated thing you'd learnt to do, yet he made it worth it.  <br/>Draco still had his bad days - not that you hadn't had a fair share of yours. There would be nights were he would stumble into the classroom only to end up falling asleep. Sometimes he didn't make sense, voice a mere mutter, eyes glazed over. You didn't ask him about what he had done - about what Harry had accused you for. He didn't mention the mark you would soon have to take. <br/>Spring verged into summer. Despite the anxiety that came with the dread of returning home for the holidays, you found yourself almost forgetting the reality of it all. <br/>But, it was nice. It was nice to just <em>be</em>. <br/>"Are you asleep?" <br/>It was late, and warm. Too warm, for your liking, and you you had still managed to end up curling into Draco's side. His whisper came close to your ear, letting the book resting on his lap fall shut. <br/>"No," You murmured, shifting your head to glance back at him. Features close to yours, his breath fanned over your lips as he exhaled. The pure sensation of the intimacy that had became so natural still hadn't lost his touch, warmth flooding throughout you.<br/>"Why?"<br/>"Just wondered." <br/>You hummed at his reply, noting his grey gaze as it darted down for a second. Pressing a short kiss to his lips, his fingertips dug a little more into where they rested on your shoulder. The act still managed to warm your chest - in a way you'd only ever felt with him. <br/>It was in these moments, the dark nights and the small kisses and the whispers, that you felt complete. As though nothing was ever going to go wrong - as you'd lived a normal, happier life. <br/>Like you weren't on the verge of war. <br/>You pulled back, after a second, and Draco sighed as you did. Frowning a little, you scanned his expression, but he only gazed back, expectant. <br/>"Are you okay?" You asked, finally. <br/>"Are you?" It was his turn to frown. Shifting back to take him in properly, you smoothed out the fabric covering his shoulder, avoiding his eyes. <br/>"It doesn't always have to be about me, Draco." Quiet, you spoke, allowing your gaze to dart up to his. Draco watched you, guarded, but not defensive. "I know you don't want to talk about - well, about what goes on with you, but you know you don't have to hide anything. Not with me." <br/>"You know it's not like that." He mumbled. "I just don't want you-"<br/>"You don't want me involved." You finished for him, forcing your lips into a small, reassuring smile. "I know." <br/>Eyes still unreadable, he scanned you for a moment. Then, in one swift movement, he kissed you again, lingering for only a second. <br/>Again, you were the one to pull back. The mess of thoughts tangled in your brain was demanding to be heard, much to your frustration.<br/>Draco kept his gaze on you as you sat back, keeping yours very much away him his, fiddling at your sleeve. Fingers brushing over yours, he pulled them firmly into his hands. <br/>"You're thinking very loudly." He pointed out, voice edged with both seriousness and a rare kind of softness. Eyebrows flicking up, you shrugged. You had to push away the instinctive temptation to withdraw your hands from his and put them back to your sleeve. <br/>"I have a lot to think about." You said, finally shooting him a glimpse. <br/>"Like?" Draco prompted, arching his eyebrow. <br/>"You know what like." Tone a little strained, you swallowed. He'd fallen deadly silent, and you stared down at your tangled fingers. Biting back the words catching in the back of your throat seemed to prove difficult - because they came anyway. "It's just - aren't I already involved?" <br/>"Y/N..." <br/>"Well, aren't I?" You shot him a look, lips dragged down. "I'm pretty much already a Deatheater, mark and all. I don't see how you actually talking about things is going to make anything worse for me." <br/>"I'm not having this conversation with you again." Turning his head away to face straight ahead of him, Draco spoke, firm. His hands pulled away from yours, prompting a painful stab to your chest. <br/>"Why?" Pushing, you felt an uncomfortable heat rising in your chest. "Why won't you let me make my own decision about what happens to me? About what happens to us?" <br/>Draco's jaw tightened, eyes darker as he came to glare at you. <br/>"What is that supposed to mean?" His voice was barely restrained. "I thought you were happy, with this?" <br/>"I <em>am</em> - I just - I'm <em>worried</em> about you, Draco. I don't even know where you are half the time. I don't even know <em>what</em> we are, because you won't let me talk to you about anything." Heart rate becoming more frantic, you watched him with an intent. He set you with one of his distant looks, and your chest caved in a little, swallowing. <br/>"I said it from the start, Y/N. No promises. We agreed." <br/>"I'm not asking you to <em>promise</em> me anything," Your tone grew desperate. "I'm asking you to let me <em>help you."</em> <br/>There was a second of silence, after that. <br/>You continued to stare at Draco, breathing still quick and mind buzzing as you tugged at your sleeve. He had paused, all too vacant - until he finally let out a sigh, shifting his body to face you properly.<br/>"You <em>are</em> helping me." He said, taking your hand again. You allowed him to curl it into his, grinding your teeth in attempt to swallow back another argument. "You being here - being with me - that is all you need to do. I don't want you to worry about anything else." <br/>"How do you expect me not to worry? My parents-" <br/>"I'm working on it." <br/>"What?" <br/>Brow furrowing, you stared at him, uncertain. Draco held a very earnest look, that was both terrifying and comforting, and you gripped his hand a little harder. <br/>"Don't worry about it. Your parents, the mark, me - nothing." <br/><em>Merlin,</em> his tone had never been so foreboding. His eyes glinted in a way that made your heart tweak, and you had to take in a deep breath. <br/><em>What the hell are you doing, Draco?</em> <br/>"It's going to be fine." <br/><em>No, it's not.</em> <br/>Draco sighed at your silence, features stilling - before he spoke again. <br/>"I promise." <br/>You met his dark eyes in under a second. <br/>A lump had grown in the back of your throat, but you swallowed it back. Seeing him, in the darkness of the classroom, moonlight reflecting off his eyes... It was all too reminiscent to that night in the Astronomy Tower. He looked so fragile, so <em>incomplete</em>, as though he would slip away at any moment. For once, you could not take comfort in his words. <br/>And still, you didn't say anything else. <br/>Instead, you pressed your lips to his, hands on his neck and body pressed against his as though it was what you were designed to do. It didn't take long for Draco to crawl over you, pinning you underneath him, a hand set at your waist. Every thought and feeling from your previous discussion discarded, your heart skipped at beat as he nipped your bottom lip. <br/>His shirt had loosened from his movement, and you slipped your hand underneath it. Fingertips brushing over the skin of his torso, his eyes snapped to yours, pulling away with a jolt. And, for a second, you froze, apologies ready on your lips. <br/>But, the glint in his eye was dark, captivating. Then, he was pressing sharp kisses to your neck, a fraction more frantic than ever before. Heart racing, your breathing grew laboured, body sparking underneath his fingertips. <br/>"Is this okay?" Draco murmured, glancing up at you. His hand now hesitated at the buttons of your shirt. He did not progress, staying almost unnervingly steady as he waited for a reply. <br/>Swallowing, you nodded. <br/>"I need a vocal reply." He added, quirking an eyebrow.<br/>Despite everything - the heat of your body, the thrill coursing through you - you hesitated. <br/>Draco waited a second longer, before withdrawing. Your stomach dropped, grasping his shoulders as he shifted upright. <br/>"I - fuck, I'm sorry-" <br/>"Don't be stupid." Draco's brow furrowed, shooting you a look that was almost intimidating. "You never have to do anything you don't want to, Y/N." <br/>"It's not that I don't want to," You mumbled, avoiding his eyes as your cheeks flushed with head. "I - It's just my..." <br/>Draco remained quiet as you struggled for words, until you tapped your left forearm. Gently, he rested his hand at your wrist, causing your to glance at him immediately.  <br/>"You don't have to show me." Eyes honest, your chest squeezed. <br/>"It's not that I mind you seeing." You frowned at your words, unable to communicate the jumble in your mind. "But no one has even been able to <em>just</em> see it, you know? Without - anything else happening." <br/>"Well, I've already seen it before." Draco reminded you, voice a little softer than usual. "It didn't reopen when I healed it last time, so I think it would be fine. But, you still don't have to show me." <br/>A soft smile tugged at your lips as you scanned his expression. Even now, it was difficult to coax out this side of Draco - the softer, understanding one. The one you doubted could hurt a fly. <br/>Brushing your fingers, over his cheek, you kissed him, slow. The fluttering content never seemed to fade, no matter how many times you had kissed him by now. <br/>Then, as you pulled back, you offered him your arm. <br/>Draco's eyes rested on you. <br/>"Are you sure?" He asked, raising his brow in the lightest. "Vocal reply." <br/>"Yes, you idiot." Despite your uncertainty, a smile fluttered across your features. Draco, still tentative, loosened the cuff of your sleeve. <br/>Biting down on your lip, you kept your eyes focused on his as he worked, even as he shifted the material upward. <br/>Eventually, you squeezed them shut. Your heart was racing in your chest, waiting for that first sting, for the bad memories and the burning - <br/>But, instead, only a set of soft lips met your skin. <br/>Flinching, you eyes snapped open, staring down at your arm. An instinctive grimace followed at the sight of the raised, poorly healed skin. <br/>Bu there was no blood. No pain, no distant voices. <br/>"See?" Draco murmured, watching you. Staring from your scar, to him, your chest shifted, almost in a motion of instant comfort. "It's fine." <br/>Still hesitant, your lips twitched up into a small smile, and you caught the way Draco's gaze followed the movement. <br/>You also caught the words, inching their way up your throat. They were burning, but not in the way you were used to. <br/>In fact, it was more painful as you pushed them down, kissing Draco again before they could spill out. For once, you did not care about the way your sleeve crinkled in the crook of your elbow. You did not think of the way Draco's fingers brushed over the mark every moment or so. <br/>For once, it was not a reminder of what you hated - but reminder of how you had become so entangled with this boy you so adored. A connection you could have never anticipated for such an indelicate mark. <br/>Yet, despite it all, it was a connection that you hoped would never have to be broken.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, kinda nsfw implications, talk of scars, a pinch of angst (obviously)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. the admission</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>And so the weeks began to slide by more easily. <br/>Ignoring the ominous words Draco had offered you that night was easier than trying to decipher them. That, you had more or less figured out in the first week of trying. In fact, ignoring most things that festered away and gave you that constant sick feeling was easier than having to acknowledge them at all. Not bringing them up to the boy you continued to meet more and more also appeared to be easier, and for a while, it stayed exactly that way.<br/>Until, that was, he went missing again. <br/>You'd agreed to meet at the classroom during your joint free period of the day. With Draco's 'task' growing only further demanding, nightly meetings were much more rare. Instead, you stole your moments with him throughout the day - although, you avoided broom cupboards. <br/>This time, his disappearance was much more concerning. Whilst doubt lingered from the last time Draco managed to vanish, you were quite sure that things between you were okay. You hadn't argued. You hadn't even pushed for more information on his involvement with the Deatheaters.<br/>By lunch, you knew something was wrong. <br/>Shaky, you sat at the end of the Slytherin table. It was summer, and the weather was nice, so most students had opted to go sit outside or take a trip to Hogsmeade, leaving the hall almost empty. What bothered you, however, was that Pansy Parkinson and the rest of Draco's 'gang', were sitting unnaturally quiet a few benches away. Parkinson did look particularly disgruntled, hair a mess and skin a shade paler than usual. <br/>You waited for as long as you could stand it, hands twitching as you stared at your plate, food untouched. The thoughts inside your head were loud, and sickening. If something had happened to Draco - <em>did someone find out about his mark? Did Lestrange find him in my thoughts back in Easter? Fuck, Draco, where are you -</em><br/>Parkinson stood, as did the rest of the Slytherin group. Without a second of reluctance, you shot out of your seat. Anxiety clawed at your throat, but you bit it back, calling her name before you could change your mind.<br/>"Parkinson!" <br/>She paused. Pansy didn't even glance at you the first time, and for a second you thought she was going to ignore you. But, then, she turned, eyes flashing with a concoction of hostility and surprise as they met you.<br/>"Uh - Y/L/N?" Her eyebrow arched, scanning you with her renowned glare. Self-conscious washed over you as she did so, but you kept your features steely. "Can I help you?" <br/>"I - yeah." You stumbled, inwardly cursing. The group that usually gravitated around her and Draco had paused, putting you on the receiving end of several dangerous stares. Pansy was silent, only watching you with her perpetual, irritated look. "Just wanted to know where Malfoy is - that's all." <br/>"Draco?" <br/>You noticed the way she froze for a second, before you registered his name on her lips. Quick, you nodded, glancing back at the group, who seemed to be inching back towards you. Heart rate frenzied, you eyed Pansy with what you could only label as a pleading expression. Her eyes narrowed, suspicious. <br/>"What the hell do you want with Draco?" <br/><em>Oh, shit.</em> <br/>"I gave him my Potions essay for him to copy off." You lied, hoping it came smoother than it sounded. Pansy's face stayed eerily set, almost reminiscent to the way Draco appeared most the time. "I need it back." <br/>Pansy was silent, again. <br/>"Pansy!" Blaise Zabini yelled from the doorway, shooting you a look as you stared at them. "Hurry up." <br/>Pansy didn't even acknowledge him, still scrutinising you. Then, she took a small, but intimidating step forward, setting you with a hard, guarded look. <br/>"You're a good liar." She muttered. "But you're behind on school gossip." <br/>You stayed silent. You didn't trust yourself not to have a complete breakdown there and then if you opened your mouth. Finally throwing a glance over her shoulder, she returned to look at you in a swift motion. <br/>"Potter cornered him in the bathrooms. He's in the hospital wing." <br/><em>No.</em> <br/>Teeth grinding together, you stared at her, sharing a look between you. It was an odd feeling, hot, in your chest. The terror of not knowing exactly what had happened to Draco, the rage at Potter, and - and the unusual relief in the understanding of Pansy's eyes. <br/>Perhaps it was a skill she had, appearing like she knew everything, every little piece about you. <br/>Yet, the glint of recognition in her gaze told you otherwise. <br/>Before you could speak, she had turned and strode back towards her group, leaving you alone by the Slytherin table. <br/>It took you a second before the realisation of Draco's injury set in.<br/>Then, you were launching yourself down the corridors, straight to the hospital wing. <br/>"Miss Y/L/N?" Madame Pomfrey called as you rushed in, setting your rather terrified eyes on the professor. You knew her well, by now, after so many visits - you had no reason to shy from her temper. <br/>"Draco Malfoy." You said, without a second of hesitance. A bed at the far corner of the hospital wing was cornered off - whatever had happened in the bathrooms clearly wasn't a secret amongst students. <br/><em>How the hell did I miss this?</em> <br/>"No visitors." She spoke with a firm tone, setting her eyes on you as you had to take in a breath. <br/>"You know I wouldn't come here for just anyone," You murmured, drained. The emotion, and worrying must have shown on your expression, resonating in the way her eyes softened in the slightest.<br/>"No visitors, Miss Y/L/N. I can't make exceptions." <br/><em>Stubborn as ever.</em><br/>"Then - I - is he okay?" <br/>"Yes." She sighed, lips dragging down in the slightest. "He'll live, dear. Now, please make yourself scarse, before Professor McGonagall thinks you're causing a scene."<br/>Madame Pomfrey began to gesture you back to the doorway you had sped through. Yet, before you could bite them back, a last, desperate attempt spilled from your mouth. <br/>"Can you at least let him know I tried?" <br/>Her lips etched further down in the tiniest. Your heart murmured in disappointment - but, as you were about to give in hope, she gave you a singular, firm nod.  <br/>"Fine. Now, out of my hospital wing, girl." The tone of her voice was enough for you to know you had pushed her to her limit. <br/>"Thank you." Your reply came as a breath you weren't quite sure was at all audible, soon to make it back out of the hospital wing. Draco was at least getting tended to - and Madame Pomfrey didn't seem too stressed. All good signs that whatever had happened wasn't too drastic, at least. Still, that persistent nausea remained, stubborn. You were definitely not in the mood for a mind numbing lesson of a History of Magic, that was for certain. <br/><em>The Classroom it is. At least if Draco gets out of the hospital wing I'll know if he stopped by to see me.</em><br/>So lost in thought on the way to the classroom, you could have almost missed it. The three famous faces of Hogwarts, huddled together, but speeding towards what you assumed would be the Gryffindor common room. If you'd have been paying more attention, maybe you would have noticed Harry Potter's laboured, terrified breathing, and Hermione's furrowed brow. <br/>But they didn't need to have been wearing Gryffindor robes for you to see red. <br/>For once, you didn't feel your usual jittering anxiety. You didn't weigh up what your actions would mean, what your reputation would do. <br/>Your strides became quicker, poised. Fists curled up, you bared your teeth and let out a yell. <br/>"Potter!"<br/>He didn't even turn to look at you. No, it was his two bodyguards that spun. Expressions tired, they looked ready to face another barrage of questions from nosy students, only to drop.<br/>Hermione's eyes lit up with panic at the sight of you, most likely looking a little deranged. Her lips shifted to say something, but your thoughts were too loud. <br/><em>He hurt Draco. He hurt Draco, and now I'm going to hurt him.</em> <br/>Harry turned to face you at the last minute. Bringing back your arm, you swung your fist directly into his face. <br/>"Don't you fucking <em>dare</em> touch him again!" Your voice didn't even feel like your own as you glared down at Harry. He stumbled back, Ron quick to his aid and preventing his fall. <br/>"Y/N-" <br/>"No, Harry Potter, you fucking listen to <em>me.</em>" Hissing, you pushed Hermione away from you as she attempted to pull you back, despite Harry's lack of retaliation. "You stay away from me, and you stay away from Draco." Your eyes glinted, taking in every inch of shock across his face. "Or I will do a lot worse than give you a black eye." <br/>"Y/N, go." Hermione urged, gaze pressuring and a little dangerous. <br/>It was only then that you realised there were a lot more eyes on you than you once noticed. <br/>All around the corridor - students of every year, every house. Staring. Whispering. <br/>Jaw grinding together, you threw another glare at Harry for good measure. Then, you stepped back, getting away from the corridor before anything could escalate. <br/>For once, there were no scalding, angry tears to follow your mistake. There was no pounding heartbeat, or panicked breathing. For once, as you made your way to the classroom, there was only the sting of your knuckles. And, the odd satisfaction of knowing you'd at least done something for Draco. You'd stood up for him, like he'd stood up for you - and whilst, yes, there was also the concern of him being angry at you for doing so - you knew it was all you could try and do. If Draco was going to get himself killed, you'd be there to try and prevent it to any measures necessary. <br/>You'd been sat at the window ledge for hours when Draco finally made an appearance. <br/>Dusk was setting in, casting the room that warm orange you felt so comfortable within. The moment the door clicked unlocked, your heart jumped, and before you could rush to the door he was already pushing it open, eyes locking with yours instantly. <br/>Swallowing, a second of silence settled between you. There was a million words coming to mind, yet they vanished. All you could do was take in the note of his familiar grey-blue gaze. <br/>"Evening." Finally, he spoke, twitching a corner of his lip upward as he slipped into the room and locked the door behind him. <br/>That. That was all it took. <br/>"Draco <em>Lucius</em> Malfoy, you complete and utter <em>idiot-</em>" <br/>You'd scrambled to your feet in a second, eyes darting all over his body as you marched towards him and pulled him into a less than gentle embrace. Draco let out a grunt, but then you pulled back again, setting a hand either side of his face. <br/>"What the fuck did you do? Merlin, are you alright? I've been fucking worried sick about you all day, I had to speak to Pansy <em>bloody</em> Parkinson just to find out where you are-" <br/>Draco's lips cut you off, his own hands coming to rest over yours. Your heart leapt as he did so, and despite his cool skin, you flushed warm. Every little bit of stress dissipated at the action, swiped away by his touch. Pulling back, he prized your hands off of him, although kept them tucked into his. His eyes glimmered with a certain tone of pride - one you hadn't seen him wear often in the last few months. <br/>"You gave Potter a black eye." Draco's face pulled into a grin as he spoke, as though he couldn't help himself. Chest fluttering, you realised - Draco was proud of you. <br/>"Well - yeah." You felt your own, faint smile play along your lips. "He put you in <em>hospital</em>, Draco. Fuck, are you alright?" <br/>Straight back to panicking, you searched him again, the sight of him standing so full in front of you almost thrilling after such a long day. <br/>"Can you stop fretting for one second?" He pressed. <br/>"No, I cannot! What happened?" Demanding, you set him with a firm look. <br/>"You gave Potter a black eye, that's what fucking happened!" Draco exclaimed, eyes alight and wide. <br/>"I'm aware. I did do it myself, you know." You sighed, finally accepting that you were not going to find anything out about Draco's injury anytime soon. <br/>"You're bloody brilliant." He murmured, kissing you again - this time, a lot more hastily, so much it took you by surprise. You allowed him to wrap his arms around your waist, your own hands grasping at the back of his hair as his lips played atop of yours. Only, for them to travel across your jawline, breath hitching as they did so. <br/>"I wish I was there to have seen it." Draco whispered, voice dark, tempting. <br/>"Stop sexualising my violence." You muttered, evoking a chuckle from the back of his throat. The sound so close to your ear that it made you shiver, his fingers dug into your waist a little deeper. Still, you pushed the feeling away. "Draco, please tell me what happened." <br/>Finally, Draco faltered, an echo of a sigh escaping his lips as he shifted back to take you in. <br/>"I don't think you want to know." <br/>Heart stumbling, you swallowed, eyes dropping to where your hands splayed over his shoulders. <br/>"Trust me." Your eyes flickered back to his. Gradual hesitation was breaking through his previous, much more playful gaze. "I want to know." <br/>A silence settled between you. Endless amounts of tension managed to fill the small space between your features. It was the type of tension that already made your heart clench in your chest, the type that made you not want to breath. Draco's expression had fallen, a mixture of withdrawal and unexpected dread - one he would usually try so hard to cover.  It was unnerving, seeing someone usually so hardened, so steely, dropping back into the terrified boy you only caught glimpses of before.  <br/>And, eventually, he spoke. <br/>"He knows." <br/>Your breath caught in the back of your throat. <br/>"He saw - saw the mark, when I went to visit Myrtle. Shot some spell I've never heard at me." Draco, once avoiding your glossy eyes, finally met them again. "Nearly killed me." <br/><em>Merlin</em>, his tone was something you'd never even attempted to imagine, coming from Draco. Both haunted, yet accepting, as though he was comfortable with his own fear - and it terrified you, deep into your core. <br/>In any other situation, you would have noticed your own terror. The idea of Draco dying, without you having even known - it was unthinkable. He was everything you had, everything you'd ever wanted or needed after a life spent within your own head. If he <em>died -</em> <br/>But you didn't. No. For once, it was only anger. Draco's expression was only a spark to a fire pit built many years ago. Built the day you stepped inside Hogwarts, brimming with hopes and dreams, only to be met with rejection.  <br/>It took a moment for you to realise that Draco was still watching you, uncertain, brow furrowed in concern. For you. Not him, not the one who had almost died only a few hours ago. <br/>And so, you let out a careful breath, holding his face in your hands as though it was the most precious thing to exist. <br/>"I won't let that happen." You murmured, meeting his complex grey faze with a fierce one. Swallowing, Draco watched you a moment longer, as though trying to read the intensity of your words. <br/>"I know." His brow jolted in as he spoke, as though he were wounded to say it. There was an underlying tone to your admission, one you both appeared to ignore. <br/>But then, Draco pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, squeezing your waist tight in his grip. The movement brushed away the tension before you could even attempt to hold onto it. It left you feeling a little unhinged, blinking. <br/>"I'm alive, though." Draco reassured, catching your eye once again. "Madame Pomfrey fixed me up quite nicely." <br/>A soft chuckle left you as he spoke, breaking through the stiffness of your features. <br/>"Really?" You raised an eyebrow, teasing. "Any battle scars?" <br/>His lips twitched, gaze warm. <br/>"You're just trying to get me undressed." Shaking his head, you laughed again, watching as Draco shifted away from you to tug his shirt upward. There was a slight stutter in your chest as he did so, a sudden childish nervousness at the exposure of skin. But, as your eyes swept across the healed, rugged lines across his chest, it faded. Leaving you instead, with both a tinge of worry - and, a slight desire. <br/>Draco, however, seemed to note your expression. He didn't allow his shirt to fall back down till your eyes met again, except this time, they were a little darkened. <br/>"Like what you see?" A smug smirk plastered his features, but you only rolled your eyes. <br/>"Cocky as always, Malfoy." You teased, unable to stop yourself from smiling as he pulled you in closer again. Pressing short kisses to your jaw, he earnt a sharp intake of breath from you. <br/>"I never denied that." <br/>The mood, somehow, managed to stay warm for the rest of the evening. Settled on the window sill, soaking in Draco's presence and rare good mood - your anxieties faded. His arms were so tight around you, soft lips finding your skin, over and over. <br/>It was as though you were dreaming. <br/>The anger, however - the anger never quite left. <br/>You weren't quite sure if you wanted it to, either.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>warnings: language, very mild descriptions of scars, nsfw implications (barely), punching, let me add a little bit of spice to that</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Blood, language, kinda sexual implications?? (not really), gryffindors being shit because im a salty ass slytherin</p></blockquote></div></div>
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